There is, perhaps, no more important time to be a good citizen than during a global pandemic. Through our citizenship, each of us plays a critical role in contributing to the health and well-being of others. Whether returning to the classroom or engaging in online learning, educators, administrators, students, and families have an important role to play in maintaining the health and safety of all parties and contributing to a positive educational environment.
The Leader-to-Detractor tool serves two important purposes. First, it defines what each role – detractor, participant, and leader – looks like in action. Good citizens are able to change detractor behaviors to participant behaviors, and participant behaviors to leader behaviors. Second, one can use the tool reflectively by asking, “were my actions that of a leader, detractor, or participant, and what do I need to do better or differently tomorrow to be a better citizen?”
Citizenship for Educators: Educators can use the Leader-to-Detractor tool to define what each role looks like in their classroom (virtual or in-person). You may choose to include leader to detractor behaviors that are specific to following health guidelines as well. Share these definitions with parents so they know what your expectations are as well.
Citizenship for Students: Once students have worked with educators or parents on defining what leaders, participants, and detractors look like in action, they can engage in daily self-reflection to gauge their behaviors for the day. Students should note if there are instances in which they are more likely to be a detractor or participant and create and follow a plan to be a leader in every circumstance. Their reflection can be centered on school, home, following health guidelines, or a combination of all three.
Citizenship for Families: Families can use the Leader-to-Detractor tool to identify leader, participant, and detractor behaviors they observe each day. These may be behaviors the student exhibits, or observations of others, whether at the grocery store, at work, or in the community. Ask your student what leader-to-detractor behaviors they notice in others each day, and what could be done better or differently to be a leader in each situation.
Caring can be demonstrated in numerous ways. We can demonstrate caring by maintaining social connections, supporting friends and family who are struggling, completing random acts of kindness, or simply being available for a friend who needs a safe, compassionate listener.
The attitude and effort we choose to display is another way we show caring. Bringing a positive attitude each day, to every task, is a great way to show that you care. Likewise, the amount of effort we put forth is another indicator of how much we care about someone or something. The Attitude + Effort = Improvement (AEI) tool is a simple way to reflect on whether you brought a positive attitude and effort to a task, and by extension, how much you cared.
Caring for Educators: Use the AEI tool to define for your students what great, good, and poor attitude and effort looks like in action. Be sure to help students see the distinction between attitude and effort (you can have a positive attitude and put forth no effort, and vice versa). Ask students what they can do to demonstrate a great attitude and work ethic each day, whether remote or in-person. Then, have them reflect on their attitude and effort each day.
Caring for Students: Students can track their daily attitude and effort on a 1 (poor) through 3 (great) scale and see if they notice any trends. For example, their attitude and effort is great when working on math, but poor when working on Spanish. Students can then create a plan for what to do better or differently to improve their attitude and effort where needed.
Caring for Families: The AEI tool provides a simple way to engage your student in self-reflection. Ask your student to rate himself or herself on their attitude and effort each day and ask them what they can do better the next day. The conversation is even more powerful you reflect on their own attitude and effort each day and try to improve with your student.
In a time of uncertainty, it can be difficult to find fairness in diverse groups of stakeholders. Is it fair to prohibit young people from participating in social activities when it appears the effects of COVID-19 aren’t as severe for young and healthy people? On the other hand, is it fair to individuals in a demographic with more risk if young people increase their exposure to the virus and then spread it to others?
When clear solutions aren’t available, it’s up to individuals to negotiate win-win solutions that account for the needs and wants of all parties to reach a fair solution for the greater good. To do this, one must listen to understand what the other party wants by asking questions and restating what the other person says to ensure clarity. You must also clearly describe what it is you desire and why. Only when all parties understand that this is what you want and this is what I want, can you work together to find a “we could” win-win solution.
Fairness for Educators: Few things will be normal this school year. Educators will have to negotiate win-win solutions on everything from how students will pass each other in the hallways to how students will eat lunch. In every negotiation, commit to understanding the other person’s perspective, clearly state your idea, and stay focused on your common ground – what you both want to achieve.
Fairness for Students: Students can use the Win-Win Negotiation tool to help them find a compromise with teachers or parents. For example, students using win-win negotiation when asking permission to attend a social event would clearly articulate what they want (to attend the event) and why they want it (to see their friends), and would listen to and understand what their parent wants (child to be safe and healthy). Then, both parties can focus on solutions that can meet this objective (you can attend the event if there are less than 10 people and you wear a mask).
Fairness for Families: Families can use the Win-Win Negotiation tool to help find a compromise over work time if students are working from home. Or, the tool could be used to reach an agreement on what social activities students can engage in. Families can even use it when finding solutions with schools on everything from behavior issues to virtual versus in-person attendance.
When under stress, or outside of our comfort zone, it can be tempting to shy away from responsibility. However, it is critical as the school year progresses that each person take responsibility for their role in ensuring a safe and productive learning environment.
When norms and routines are disrupted, it can be easy to lose sight of our goals and the process we need to follow to achieve those goals. The Goal Map tool is an excellent resource to focus attention on the action steps needed to continue progressing towards our objectives, especially when we are outside of our comfort zone.
Responsibility for Educators: The unique challenges of this school year likely feel overwhelming. How do you transition your entire curriculum to online delivery? How do you track student progress when you don’t see your students each day? How do you create a productive classroom space while still following health guidelines? Use the Goal Map to break down what seem like insurmountable tasks into small, achievable action steps. Devote your time and energy solely to each step until you are ready to move on to the next action step.
Responsibility for Students: Students can use the Goal Map to craft a plan for achieving objectives each day, each week, each month, or even over an entire semester. Whether attending school online or in person, the Goal Map can help students identify what tasks need to be completed, in what order, and track their progress towards completion.
Responsibility for Families: The Goal Map is a great tool for families to use to help their students create a learning plan, especially for students working online. Create a Goal Map each day, outlining the objective for the day, and the action steps needed to reach those objectives. Then, review the Goal Map at the end of the day to track progress and ensure students are taking the necessary steps to be successful each day.
Every school stakeholder – students, parents, educators, and administrators – have a key role in the success of each school year. How well these stakeholders work together and treat each other with respect ultimately determines how successful the year will be.
A Compact for Excellence is a simple tool to help groups of people agree on what they need to do in order to do their best work and treat each other with care and respect. To use a Compact, create a list of expectations (see sample below) that outline what every stakeholder needs to do in order to ensure their best work can be done and everyone is treated well.
Then, ask all stakeholders the following questions:
Is there anything else that needs to be added to this list?
Is there anything that needs to be clarified?
Is there anything that you cannot or will not do?
Do we agree to work with these guidelines?
Respect for Educators: At the beginning of each school year, educators set classroom rules and expectations. This year is no different, but due to the COVID-19 pandemic you may need to update these expectations to address online learning, following health guidelines at school, or even create a Compact with parents and families so all stakeholders have clear guidelines for how everyone can do their best work and treat each other with care and respect.
Respect for Students: Whether working at home, in school, or in a hybrid setting, think about what is needed for you to do your best work and treat others well (teachers, parents, siblings, other students, etc.). Create a Compact for Excellence that outlines what all parties agree to do in order to do your best work and treat each other well, no matter the environment. You can also create a Compact with your group before beginning a new group project.
Respect for Families: Create a Compact for Excellence with your children that outlines how you will work together to ensure that everyone can do their work effectively and treat each other well. Agreements could be: 15-minute active break for every 60 minutes of work, only engage on social media during breaks, negotiate who utilizes work spaces (at home), maintain social distance and wear a mask (if back at school), and so on.
This year, perhaps more than any other, parents, educators, and students are making incredibly challenging decisions. It’s important in these moments to assume best intentions, and trust that everyone is trying to do what they think is right and necessary to ensure a safe and impactful education experience.
In situations where there isn’t a clear and obvious answer, it’s useful to have a tool, like the Integrity-in Action Checklist, to help check our decision-making. Not every decision will pass each test below. Sometimes, the right decision isn’t fair to everyone, for example. However, checking your actions against the Integrity-in-Action Checklist can help ensure that you make good choices and maintain trust.
Trustworthiness for Educators: Even people with the best of intentions can sometimes make the wrong decision, especially when navigating the countless changes created by a global pandemic. As you work to bring students back to the classroom safely, or migrate your lessons to online delivery, use the Integrity-in-Action Checklist to make sure the choices you make are thoughtful and build trust with students, parents, and your colleagues.
Trustworthiness for Students: Students can use the Integrity-in-Action Checklist to help them make choices that could impact the health and safety of others. (“Is it fair to my classmates if I don’t follow guidelines to help stop the spread of COVID-19?”) Likewise, students working remotely can use the checklist to help make good decisions about how they engage with school. (“Do I want others to know that I was watching TV rather than paying attention to this online lesson?”)
Trustworthiness for Parents: The decisions parents make in the best interest of their child also impact the health, safety, and learning experiences of everyone else at school. Use the Integrity-in-Action Checklist to make sure the decisions you make are not only good for your children, but the teachers and other students with whom they interact. In addition, families can use the checklist to help guide the decisions their students make. “I know it’s uncomfortable to wear a mask, but let’s look at the truth test. While the mask is uncomfortable, the truth is I can wear it, get used to it, and keep myself and others safe.”
Though most teachers admit that there are some students they never forget, the same is true about parents.
I vividly remember a mother of one of my students all because of the way she conveyed respect to her child. She did so beautifully in how she listened. I watched her several times throughout the year on our field trips and in our class parties or just those times she’d wait at the door to pick him up. Each time Ricky would talk, she’d stop what she’d do, get down to eye level, look into her son’s eyes, and listen with genuine interest. She had this wonderful ability to block out everything–or at least make her child feel she was–and give her child her full presence. The time was brief – just a minute or so.
The mom’s words usually were nothing more than repeating back small tidbits of what he just said just to let him know she was hearing him. Occasionally she’d add, “Uh-huh,” or “Really?” She acknowledged him simply by saying how she thought he was feeling: “You seem so happy” or “Wow, you look proud.”
The effect on her son was dramatic: Ricky’s whole demeanor brightened when he realized his mom really heard what he had to say. I always wished I could have videotaped her listening skills to play back to other parents. The mom’s behaviors were so simple, but always conveyed respect to her child. That mom exemplified one of the most powerful, tried-and true character-building practices there is: “The best way to ensure that our kids are respectful is to treat them respectfully.”
It should come as no surprise that her child turned out to be one of my most respectful students. He also grew to become a respectful adult.
That’s because of this important principle: children learn respect best from witnessing and experiencing respect.
So Mom and Dad: Tune up respect in your own behavior. After all, it’s a racy, raunchy world out there. I fear what our kids are witnessing and experiencing disrespect.
Seven Simple Respect-Building Parenting Practices
Here are seven simple parenting practices that help children see themselves as valuable human beings. The practices work to instill respect in your child all because your actions let them know you love, respect, and value them. Your child is also witnessing and experiencing respect with these practices so he is more likely to adopt and use the virtue.
1. Treat your child as the most important person in the world.
Here is a simple question to ask yourself: “If I treated my friends the way I treat my child, how would my friends respond?” (Or would you have any friends left? Hmmmm) Beware: very often we say and do things to our children that our friends would never tolerate.
If you want your children to feel valued, treat them as though they are the most important people in the world. One mom told me she asked herself the question so often it became a nighttime habit. It also helped her remember throughout the day to treat her children respectfully.
2. Give love with no strings attached.
No child should have to earn our respect and love; it should be guaranteed with birth. Unconditional love is about loving your kids with no strings attached. It is the kind of love that says: “I’ll never stop loving you no matter what you do.” Of course, that doesn’t mean we’re going to necessarily approve all of our children’s behaviors.
In some cases when our kids’ actions are inappropriate we may need to respond with clear and often passionate correction. But our kids know we’ll always be there for them-no matter what-and that’s the kind of love our kids need if they are to feel they are genuinely respected and valued. Make sure you give your child love that is unconditional and guaranteed, so no matter what he knows you love him.
3. Listen attentively and respectfully.
If there is one common finding from countless different studies it is that kids say they wish their parents would listen-really listen-to them. Attentive listening is a wonderful way to convey respect.
When your child talks, stop everything and focus completely so that she feels you really value her opinions and want to hear her thoughts. Stop what you’re doing and give your child your full presence for the brief time.
Hint: Adolescent boys are often threatened by eye contact, so try sitting side to side.
4. Communicate respect with your whole body, not just with your words.
Most of the time our kids aren’t listening to our words nearly as much as they are watching our posture, gestures, and facial expressions and hearing the tone of our voice. So make sure your whole body is communicating respect when you talk to your child. You may say, “I want to hear your ideas,” but if your child sees you shrug your shoulders, raise your eye brows, smirk your mouth, or roll your eyes, he is likely to pick up a whole different meaning.
I’ve yet to meet parents who want their kids to think they aren’t interested in their ideas or don’t respect their kids’ feelings. Yet those are the messages children pick up, all because of how parents react when their children talk.
5. Build positive self-concepts.
Labeling children with such terms as shy, stubborn, hyper, or clumsy can diminish self-esteem and become daily reminders of unworthiness. They can also become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Regardless of whether the labels are true or not, when children hear them they believe them. So only use labels that build positive self-concepts. One good rule to remember about labeling is this: “If the nickname is not respectful, it’s best not to use it.”
6. Tell them often why you love and cherish them.
The more you show your child you love her, the more your child learns to value and love herself. So tell your child often that you love her, but also tell her what you love about her and express your gratitude that she is your child.
“I love that you are so kind.” “I’m so glad I have the fortune of being your mom.” “I love you just the way you are.” “I respect the way you never give up.”
Never assume that your child knows what feelings you hold in your heart about her. Tell her.
7. Enjoy being together.
One of the best ways to help a child feel respected is to let her know how much you enjoy being with her. Put your child at the top of your schedule and set aside relaxed times together during which you can really get to know who your child is. Only then will you be able to let her know why you value, love, and respect her so.
A quick quiz is to ask yourself which traits you respect in your child. Would your child be able to name those traits as well?
So now the real parenting test: Think back over the last few days. What have you done that helps your children see themselves as valuable human beings because your actions let them know you love, respect, and value them? Don’t forget that our simple day-to-day actions are often the most powerful ways to nurture respect in our children.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.
Teach your children to hang in there when the going gets tough, but know when to let them throw in the towel.
Perseverance often makes the critical distinction between whether kids succeed or fail. Will they have the inner strength to keep on or be plagued by self-defeat, be unwilling to give it their best shot? Children who learn to bounce back and not let setbacksget them down have gained a valuable skill for life. If our children are to succeed in this competitive world, they must learn to hang in there and not quit.
The good news? Research shows parents can build “stick-to-it-ness” by adopting simple, proven strategies.
Tips for Nurturing Stick-to-itness
1. Find the right activity that fascinates your kid
Tune into your child and find his natural interests, passions or talents. If he loves drawing consider art lessons; if he enjoys listening to music, try piano or violin. Ask teachers or other adults for their input. The trick is to gauge your child’s interest in the sport, lesson, or activity – before you start.
Remember, the sport that fit your oldest kid may not be the right fit for your middle kid. What turns your kid on? Find the right match and you’ll ignite his passion!
2. Start with the right expectations
Parents who want their kids to stick with a task set the right expectations. Here are five factors to consider:
Kid factor. Is what I’m expecting something my child is interested in or shows a talent for, or is it something I want more for myself? Who is pushing whom?
Time factor. Does my child have enough time to devote to practicing? Don’t overload! Beware, many tweens want to quit if there isn’t enough time for friends. A University of Maryland study found that over the past 20 years the amount of time children ages nine to 12 spend participating in structured sports has increased by 35 percent.
Challenge factor. Is my child developmentally ready for the tasks I’m expecting, or am I pushing him beyond his internal timetable? The best expectations are realistic but also gently stretch your child “one step more.”
Teacher or coach factor. Is the coach or teacher skilled and tuned in to kids? Benjamin Bloom’s study of 120 immensely talented (and successful) individuals (in such fields as science, swimming, art and music) found that the first teacher was critical.
Worth it factor. Is this activity commitment worth the time, finances and energy for both my child and our family?
3. Be a good role model
Show your kids how you don’t give up on a task even when things get difficult. Before starting a new task, make sure your child overhears you say, “I’m going to persevere, until I am successful.” Modeling the trait is always the No. 1 teaching method, so consciously tune up perseverance in your behavior.
Create a family motto when it comes to perseverance such as: “Winners never quit, quitters never win”, “We finish what we start,” or “The Smith’s don’t give up!” When you live by a family motto of commitment, your children will be more likely to use it when facing a challenge and less likely to quit.
4. Set a “No Quit Rule”
In all fairness to your kid, be clear from the beginning about the level of commitment you expect. Make sure she knows what she’s getting into, for how long (for the season, year) and understands that once she commits (to the team, instrument, project, class), there is no quitting barring exceptions like a broken bone or an abusive coach.
Many parents have their older kids sign a “Commitment Pledge,” and then hang it on the refrigerator so she understands that throwing in the towel to those activities you’ve designated as “non-negotiaables” are not an option
Research shows that kids who persist and excel recognize that success comes from hard work and practice, not luck or money or genetics. In fact, if kids believe that performance is due to effort, they will be less likely to give up and will work harder when the going gets tough.
Use real examples — folks such as Jerry Rice, Pele, Vanessa and Serena Williams, Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong — who reached the top because of hours and hours of practice.
Teach your kid the 10,000-Hour Rule: “Did you know that studies found that the best artists, musicians, swimmers and skaters practiced at least 10,000 hours, or ten years, to reach their success? Success is all a matter of how hard you work.”
Carol Dweck’sresearch from Columbia University finds that the kind of words we say can stretch or snap our children’s perseverance. The key is to emphasize your child’s effort and work and not the end product (like their grade, score or their abilities).
Praise when your child earns the recognition, but focus on their effort when he or she experiences success.
Instead of: “What was your grade?” Say:“You’re working so hard!”
Instead of: “You’re so smart!” Say: You’re improving because you’re putting in so much effort.”
Instead of: “How many goals did you get?” Say: “Keep at it! All that practice, is going to pay off!”
If Your Child Wants to Quit
An estimated 83 percent of kids aged six to 17 are involved in some kind of extracurricular activity, so sooner or later most parents will be faced with a child wanting to quit something. And do know that little kids need to experiment with different activities so they can figure out what they like (so don’t call that quitting.. reframe it as “You’re trying…”) Here’s how to decide:
1. Don’t give in too quickly
While letting your kid quit may seem easier, beware. It may teach him it’s OK to quit or take the easy way out. If you let your child quit too quickly, he’ll never have the chance to experience success. (And weathering a bit of disappointment can actually help kids.) Here are some techniques to try depending on the child’s age and situation.
Try to postpone quitting: Encourage your kid to keep at it (at least a bit longer).
Negotiate: “Stick with the cello until the end of the year, and you can be on soccer team this summer.”
Put it on her shoulders: “You go talk to the coach and ask what you can do to get more playing time.” “Set up an appointment with the orchestra director and ask what why you didn’t get first chair and what you can do to improve.”
Refuse without guilt: “Sorry, that was your commitment, you’re stuck with it.”
2. Hear your kid out
If your child’s “quitting behavior” is brand new or is escalating, then ask your child what’s really going on. Try to understand his quitting motive: “You were really jazzed when you signed up. What changed?” “What do you need to make it work?” “Would you like to continue, but with a different teacher or team?”
3. Look for a solution
Might there be a simple way to get him over the slump?Talk to the teacher or coach to get their take. Watch from the sidelines to see if your kid’s complaints of unfair treatment are legit. Your goal is to figure out what’s really going on, and whether there is something you can do to help your child hang in there and get over the slump. Here are four common problems, and solutions:
Task or placement too advanced is too difficult; too much pressure to perform. Solution: Take your expectations down a notch; switch the class or team to one that is not quite as accelerated.
Overscheduled. no down time or time to relax or be with friends. Solution: Free up time, drop one thing in that schedule. The top reason tweens want to quit is because the practice is taking up time away from friends. If that’s the issue, find ways to schedule in “friend time” and even have your tween practice with the other kids.
Environment or teacher isn’t supportive; too harsh or punitive. Solution: Change the teacher or mentor; switch the team if needed. Research on talented kids (who remained talented) found that the early teacher was essential. She was usually the “Aunt Bee” type – warm, patient and ignited in the child “You can do it!” Find that teacher!
Hasn’t experienced success yet, but it’s only been a short while. Solution: Get some help. Get a tutor to help him with the math class. Hire a high school student to throw him extra pitches. The key to success is practice, practice, practice…but that also means your child needs to be doing the “right kind of purposeful practice” so he sees improvement.
How to Decide Whether to Quit
You’ll need to weigh which lesson is more important: Helping your child learn to stick it out, or the realization that some activities just aren’t the right match. And you’ll need to decide on a case-by-case situation. Here are five factors to help you decide:
Stress. Is it stressful enough to cause concerning behavioral changes in your child?
Joylessness. Is it mostly cheerless for the child? Has he stuck with the task for the required amount of time and just lost interest? Then it’s time to move on.
Beyond abilities. Despite his efforts, the activity is too difficult for his current abilities.
Poor coach or mentor. Not a good match for your child, yells too much, far too competitive, turns your kid off to the task, pushes “win at any cost,” unfair, not knowledgeable or offers poor advice, overall more harmful than helpful.
Gave it his best shot. Your child tried his hardest but things aren’t improving.
Then it’s time to MOVE ON! Don’t dwell, just move on! And let that be a lesson for your child as well, “Some things just aren’t the right match.”
Worry If There’s a Quitting Pattern
Every kid wants to give up now and then. Especially from ages 3 to 6, it may not mean much. Be concerned when bailing out becomes a pattern with your older kid. Watch for these signs which could mean something else is going on and you should dig deeper:
Unwilling to try a task or stick with it, fearing failure or making a mistake
Easily discouraged, upset or quick to anger when facing setbacks
Needs encouragement or the promise of a reward to complete a task
Relies on someone else to complete a task
Defensive or blames errors on others
Cheats, cuts corners, or makes excuses to not do the task
Gives up as the easy way out instead of really confronting the problem
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.
Seven Ways to Nurture Tolerance and Acceptance in Kids
From guest contributor Dr. Michele Borba
One thing is certain, kids aren’t born hateful. Prejudices are learned. Hatred and intolerance can also be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance. If today’s children are to have any chance of living harmoniously in our multiethnic world, it is critical that parents nurture it.
Here are seven solutions you can use that help curtail bigotry while at the same time influence your kids to treat others with respect and understanding. Here are ways to do so:
1. Confront Your Prejudices, Pronto!
The first step to nurturing tolerance is to examine your own prejudices and reflect on how you might be projecting those ideas to your child. Chances are that you are communicating those attitudes to your child. Make a conscious attempt to temper them so that they don’t become your child’s prejudices.
2. Commit to Raising a Tolerant Child
Parents who think through how they want their kids to turn out usually succeed simply because they planned their parenting efforts. So if you really want your child to respect diversity, you must adopt a conviction early on to raise him to do so. Once your child knows your expectations, he will be more likely to embrace your principles.
3. Refuse to Allow Discriminatory Comments, Period!
When you hear prejudicial comments, verbalize your displeasure. How you respond sends a clear message to your child about your values:
“That’s disrespectful and I won’t allow such things to be said in my house.” or “That’s a biased comment, and I don’t want to hear it.”
Your child needs to hear your discomfort so that she knows you really walk your talk. It also models a response she should imitate if prejudicial comments are made in her presence.
4. Embrace Diversity
From a young age, expose your child to positive images-including toys, music, literature, videos, public role models, and examples from TV or newspaper reports-that represent a variety of ethnic groups.
Encourage your child, no matter how young, to have contact with individuals of different races, religions, cultures, genders, abilities, and beliefs.
The more your child sees how you embrace diversity, the more prone he’ll be to follow your standards and be more empathic and tolerant.
5. Emphasize Similarities
Encourage your child to look for what he has in common with others instead of how he is different. Any time your child points out how she is different from someone, you might say.
“There are lots of ways you are different from other people. Now let’s try to think of ways you are the same.”
Help her see how similarities outweigh differences.
6. Counter Discriminatory Beliefs
When you hear a child make a prejudicial comment, listen to find out why he feels the way he does. Then gently challenge his views and point out why they are incorrect. For example if your child says:
“Homeless people should get jobs and sleep in their own houses.”
You might counter:
“There are many reasons homeless people don’t work or have houses. They may be ill or can’t find jobs. Houses cost money, and not everyone can pay for one.”
Stereotypes lead to prejudice. Stop them!
7. Be the Example You Want Copied!
The best way for your child to learn tolerance is for him to watch and listen to your daily example.
Ask yourself each day one critical question: “If my child had only my behavior to copy, would he be witnessing an example of what I want him to emulate?”
Make sure you are walking your talk.
Hatred, bigotry, prejudice, and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance. Although it’s certainly never too late to begin, the sooner we start nurturing tolerance in our children, the better the chance we have of preventing insidious, intolerant attitudes from taking hold.
There has never been a time when it is most important to do so than now.
Chances are if you’ve enjoyed songs by Mickey Mouse, Kermit the Frog, Winnie the Pooh, Big Bird, Ariel, Jasmine, Belle, Sebastian the Crab, and Larry the Cucumber, you know Dave Kinnoin. Dave has written songs for some of the most beloved characters in movies and on television.
In addition to writing for his character friends, Dave has released eight solo albums. He is half of the acclaimed songwriting/recording duo Randy & Dave, who have won numerous awards and landed on many Top 10 lists. He is also the brains behind the group Grin Brigade.
Dave is well-known for his acts of kindness and generosity. As a volunteer, he builds structures in Mexico, Haiti, and elsewhere for struggling families and communities with OneSmallHouse.org and writes songs for sick children with SongsOfLove.org.
Enjoy this special concert from Dave.
Dave has been involved with CHARACTER COUNTS! for 10 years. He performs assemblies, wrote the CHARACTER COUNTS! Week theme song and jingles, and produced the CD CHARACTER COUNTS! Strikes a Chord.
