Of course we want our children to become good, responsible, respectful and successful human beings! But in our quest to “do it all” we may forget that some of the most powerful ways to help our children aren’t in the things we buy,  but in the simple things we say.

Example is everything. In fact, the Greek philosopher, Aristotle, years ago said that the best way to teach character is by modeling good example. (I swear kids come with video recorders planted inside their heads and we know it when they play us back at the most inopportune moments–usually when the relatives arrive).

The bottom line is the kids are watching us and they are copying–the good, the bad, and the very ugly things we say and do. Just in case you need any proof here are a few things our children pick up from watching us:

Behavior. Prejudice. Stress management. How we cope with defeat. Organizational style. Driving safety. Drinking styles. Eating habits. Friendship making. Goal-setting. Values. Sleeping habits. Television viewing. Courtesy. Discourtesy. Punctuality. Religion. Love of reading. Lifestyle choices. Interests. Responsibility. Digital citizenship. If we bounce back. Self-talk. Pessimism. Optimism. Money Management. Procrastination. Frugality. Patriotism. Biases. Friendship keeping. Valuing education. Conflict resolution.

And the list goes on and on!

Here are just 50 things to say to boost our own example to our kids so we become the model we hope they copy. Our children desperately need role models. Let them look to us!

1. “Thank you! I really appreciate that!” (Courtesy)

2. “Excuse me, I need to walk away and get myself back in control.” (Stress and anger management)

3. “I’m going to call Grandma and see how she’s doing. She looked lonely.” (Empathy, compassion)

4. “Mrs. Jones is sad. I’m baking her some cookies. Want to help?” (Charity)

5. “I don’t want to watch this anymore. I don’t like how they are portraying…(women, men, kids, a race, a culture, a religion…). (Values and stereotyping)

6. “Excuse me. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” (Admitting mistakes. Manners)

7. “That’s my two cents. I’d love to hear yours.” (Communication style)

8. “I lost my temper there. I’m going to work on counting to 10 when I get so stressed.” (Anger management)

9. “I blew it. Next time I’ll….” (Handling mistakes)

10. “I’m going to set a goal for myself this year. I’m working on….” (Goal-setting)

11. “I’m so upset with my friend-remind me not to send her an email until I cool off.” (Online behavior)

12. “Please repeat that. I don’t understand.” (Conflict and communication style).

13. “I’m so stressed lately…I’m going to (start walking, eat healthier, write in a journal, listen to soothing music, or whatever) to help me relax.” (Stress management, coping)

14. “I want to listen. Let me turn off my cell phone.” (Digital citizenship)

15. “I have so many things to do today. I’m going to make a list so I don’t forget anything.” (Organization)

16. “That woman looks like she’s going to drop those packages. Let’s ask if she needs help.” (Kindness)

17. “Apologies…that was my fault. Hope you forgive me.” (Forgiveness)

18. “I’m driving and need to keep my eyes on the road. Please turn off my phone for me.” (Driving safety)

19. “I love watching the Oscars, but let’s not focus on their dress designers but their talent. How do you think Sandra Bullock prepared for her role in space.” (Valuing quality over materialism)

20. “She’s my friend and doesn’t want me to tell anyone. I’m honoring her request.” (Friendship. Loyalty)

21. “I’m getting upset and need to take a time out. Let’s talk in a few minutes.” (Anger management)

22. “Great question-I don’t that answer. But I’ll try to find it for you.” (Admitting shortcomings)

23. “They do look different than us, but they have the same feelings. Let’s think about how we’re the same.” (Prejudice)

24. “Didn’t she just move here? Let’s go introduce ourselves and ask her to sit with us.” (Courtesy. Kindness)

25. “If it’s not respectful I’m not sending it.” (Digital citizenship)

26. “But is that true for all elderly people? Aunt Harriet remembers everything and she’s 87. Let’s think of more examples.” (Stopping prejudice and bias)

27. “Every month I’m going to set a new goal. You’re going to help remind me to stick to it!” (Goal-setting)

28. “We hear so much about the “bad” stuff–let’s look through the paper and find the good things people are doing for each other. We could start ‘Good News’ reports.” (Optimism, attitude)

29. “I need to take care of myself and eat healthier.” (Self-care)

30. “I’m going to walk around the block. Want to come? It always helps me relax.” (Self-care)

31. “I taped ‘No’ on a card on the phone to remind me to not to take on so much. I’m prioritizing my family!” (Priorities)

32. “I’ve got to catch my words-I’m becoming too negative.” (Attitude. Optimism)

33. “Let’s set ‘unplugged times’ for our family. What about from 6 to 8 pm?” (Prioritizing family).

34. “I do like it, but I’m going to wait until it’s on sale.” (Frugality, delaying gratification).

35. “I always try to save half of my paycheck.” (Money management)

36. “Those children lost everything in that fire. Let’s go through our closets and find gently used clothes and toys to bring them.” (charity)

37. “I’d love to eat that now, but I’m going to wait until after dinner.” (Self-control)

38. “I know it sounds fun, but I need to finish my job. My motto is, “Work first, then play.” (Responsibility)

39. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m driving so I can’t drink.” (Drinking behavior)

40. “My favorite thing to do is read! Let’s go to the library sale and find books to bring on our vacation.” (Instilling a love of reading).

41. “Let’s stay open-minded and give Daniel a turn. We didn’t hear his side.” (Non-judgmental)

42. “That’s not fair. We agreed on the rules so let stick to them.” (Fairness).

43. “I know we wanted to win, but we didn’t. They were better than us, so let’s go congratulate them.” (Sportsmanship)

44. “I need to go write a thank you to Peter before I forget. He put a lot of thought into that present and I want to make sure he knows how much I appreciate it.” (Gratitude)

45. “Thanks, but you don’t need to give me any money. I did it because I wanted to help.” (Charitableness)

46. “I’m going to stop talking about dress sizes and jumping on the scale, and start thinking about eating healthier instead.” (Self-image)

47. “I’ve got to get to the polls before they close. Voting is something I take very seriously.” (Citizenship)

48. “Let’s stop and think about how she feels. She looks sad-let’s get in her shoes for a minute.” (Empathy)

49. “I’m not just going to stand by when someone could get hurt. I’m asking if he wants help.” (Responsibility. No by standing!”)

50. “Everyone can make a difference. Let’s think of something we can do.” (Personal responsibility. Empowerment)

What can you say to a child today to be the example he or she can use for tomorrow?

Beware, the children are copying!

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.

Learn more about character education.

Learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor, Michael Josephson. 

There’s no doubt about it: Trust is an asset to any relationship and distrust an enormous liability. But thinking of trust in terms of its practical value can demean and distort its true significance as an endorsement of our character and as a sign of our worthiness. I get my clearest vote of trust when I stop to appreciate the ways my young daughters trust their daddy. Knowing that they have unquestioned confidence that I will always do the right thing is a source of pleasure and pride.

It is also a source of duty. The trust of our children is a gift we must never take for granted. Trust is fragile. Children trust us completely, until we prove ourselves unworthy. It’s a heavy responsibility to protect our kids from our own moral frailties, but I think I’m a better person because I treasure their trust so much. The glow of their faith in me lights the way and helps me to see traps and hazards that could embarrass them or damage their image of me — and frankly I can’t think of any gain worth that price.

In the play All My Sons by Arthur Miller, the father adores his son and the son idolizes his father, until he decides that the father did some shabby things in the past. As the son’s esteem is slipping away, the father says in a desperate plea, “Son, I’m no worse than anyone else.”

The son, with teary eyes, replies, “I know, Dad. But I thought you were better.”

There are other reasons to be ethical, but for those of us with children, there’s none stronger than the honor of earning their admiration.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Michael Josephson is an influential and internationally renowned champion of character education for youth and ethical conduct in business, government, policing, journalism, sports, healthcare and law. He is credited by many as the person most responsible for reviving and professionalizing the character education in school and youth-serving organizations. In 1992, under the auspices of the Josephson Institute he created CHARACTER COUNTS!, the world’s most widely implemented character development initiative based on a common language of shared values – the Six Pillars of Character) and Pursuing Victory With Honor (1996), a companion program promoting ethics in sports.

Learn more about character education.

The four students
Author Unknown

One night four students were out late and didn’t study for the test scheduled for the next day. In the morning, they thought of a plan. They covered themselves with grease and dirt and went to the principal. The students told him they had gone to a wedding the previous night and on their way back they got a flat tire and had to push the car all the way back. They argued that they were in no condition to take the test.

The principal thought for a minute and said they could re-take the test in three days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day, they showed up ready to take the test. The principal said that it was a Special Condition Test and the students were required to sit in separate classrooms. They all agreed and felt ready to take the test.

The test consisted of only two questions with the total of 100 points.

1) Your Name __________ (1 Points)

2) Which tire was flat? __________ (99 Points)

Options – (a) Front Left (b) Front Right (c) Back Left (d) Back Right

Moral: Be responsible for your actions and always tell the truth. 

Learn more about character education.

Learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor, Michele Borba. 

Here are a few practices from my book, Building Moral Intelligence, that make a difference in raising moral kids. Find ways to use these simple moral-building principles in everyday moments with your children.

1. Show, not tell my kids about moral behavior. 

To teach kids good behaviors, you must show kids what the virtue looks like in action. Reduce the lectures. Increase the visuals. Kids also learn more by seeing an example in context not by hearing or reading about it.

2. Emphasize the impact of the virtue. 

Show the impact empathy (or respect, kindness, justice, etc). has on others so your child understands it’s important.

3. Expect moral behavior.

If you want your child to feel for others demand your child to feel for others.

4. Look for simple daily moments to expose your child to goodness.

Provide opportunities for your child to experience different perspectives and views.

5. Offer diversity. 

Experiencing different perspectives help children able to empathize with others whose needs and views may differ from theirs.

6. Model moral behaviors. 

Be sure your behaviors your kids watch are ones that you want them to copy.

7. Expect goodness, period!

 If you want your child to act morally, then expect moral behaviors from her.

8. Have ongoing moral chats.

Talk about moral issues as they come up; so your child can hear your moral beliefs. Set unplugged sacred family times when everyone in the house is unplugged-such as during family meals, car rides or outings or activities and stick to them. Don’t relinquish your influence on your child’s moral development to digital devices. Kids don’t learn empathy, values or family memories by facing a screen.

9. Be explicit.

Plainly explain your concerns to your child, set standards, and then stick to them.

10. Acknowledge goodness.

Catch your child acting morally by describing what she did right and why you appreciate it.

11.Take a deep breath! 

To teach kids self-control, you must show kids self-control, so be a living example of self-control.

12. Aim for internal motivation. 

Refrain from always giving tangible rewards for your child’s efforts so she develops her own internal reward system.

13. Help child learn to manage frustrations and fears.

Your home is the best place for your child to learn how deal with stressful situations. Don’t rob him of the opportunity to learn how to handle frustrations.

14. Boost internal gratification.

Gradually stretch your child’s ability to control his impulses and learn to wait.

15. Be respectful. 

Treat children respectfully so that they feel respected and are therefore more likely to treat others respectfully.

16. Make manners count! 

Tune up your child’s social graces and make courtesy a priority in your home. Manners are the benchmark for respect.

17. Demand respect.

Do not tolerate any form of back talk or rudeness. Stop it before it spreads.

18.Monitor media diet.

Supervise your child’s media consumption closely. Set clear family standards, and then stick to them! Make sure you are your child’s primary influencer of values.

19. Pass on your values to significant others. 

Explain your moral standards to the other adults in your child’s life so you can work together.

20. Surround your child with moral examples. 

Make sure you are positive, affirming role model and surround your child with people of high character.

21. Step in and stop unkindness, ASAP! 

Take an active stand against cruelty and just plain do not allow it

22. Don’t assume! 

Take time to tell and show kids how to be kind (or fair, just, honest, patient, frugal…whatever the virtue you feel are –never assume they have that knowledge.

23. Stress service! 

Kids don’t learn how to be kind from a textbook but from doing kind deeds.Encourage your child to lend a hand so he or she will understand the power of “doing good.”

24. Read books as a family! 

Find books that are rich with moral dilemmas and ethical characters–like Anne Frank or  The Letter from Birmingham Jail. Read and discuss them as a family. Fiction in particular (like To Kill A Mockingbird and Lord of the Flies) is proven to boost empathy.

25. Teach virtue as a VERB not a noun. 

The best way to teach kids any virtue is not through our lectures but through our example.

26. Be a moral example. 

Become the living textbook of morality that you want your child to copy.

27. Stress WE not ME. 

Teach your child from the time he is very young that no one is better than any other person.

28. Stop prejudice! 

Refuse to allow discriminatory remarks of any kind in your presence.

29. Halt your biases. 

Get in touch with your own prejudices and be willing to change them so your child won’t learn them from you.

30. Encourage cultural heritage. 

Nurture in your child a sense of pride in her culture, heritage, and identity.

31. Provide early opportunities for diversity.

Expose your child early to games, literature, and toys that represent a wide range of multicultural groups to boost her or his appreciation and acceptance for differences.

32. Nurture tolerance. 

Encourage your child to participate in activities, which promote diversity and nurture tolerance.

33. Stress fairness and justice. 

If you want your child to be fair, expect your child to be fair.

34. Teach kids how to be fair. 

The easiest way to increase fairness is by reinforcing fair behaviors.

35. Stress upstanding behaviors! 

Encourage your child when he encounters unfair treatment to stand up for himself and the rights of others.

36. Find and work on an unjust cause.

Look for opportunities in your neighborhood or community and get involved together in making the world a better place. There is no more powerful way to boost kids’ moral intelligence than to get them personally involved in an issue of injustice and then encourage them to take a stand; they will learn that they can make a difference in the world.

There is no rewind button on parenting, so be intentional when it comes to building your child’s character. Parents who raise good kids don’t do so by accident!

Dr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

Check out: micheleborba.com or follow her on Twitter @micheleborba.

Learn more about character education.

The honest woodcutter
An Aesop fable

A poor woodcutter accidentally dropped his axe into the river. He was very upset, as he had no money to buy another axe. Just then a fairy appeared in the river holding out a golden axe to him. “I found this axe in the river. Is this yours?”

“That’s not mine”, replied the woodcutter. The fairy then brought out a silver axe. The woodcutter disowned this one too. Finally, the fairy held out a wooden axe.

Smiling with happiness, the woodcutter said, “That’s mine. Thank you very much.”

The fairy felt very happy seeing his honesty and said, “Such honesty deserves a reward.” She gave the poor man all the three axes and disappeared.

Moral: Honesty is the best policy. Always be honest.

Learn more about character education.

Learn more about character education.

See more character quotations in our quotations database.

Learn more about character education.

See more character quotations in our quotations database.