Character Education Objective: Help students understand the importance of connecting to other individuals.  Develop connection strategies and provide an opportunity for students to practice connecting with others.

Core Alignment:

• HS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Communicate and work productively with others, incorporating different perspectives and cross cultural understanding, to increase innovation and the quality of work.
• HS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Demonstrate leadership skills, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility while collaborating to achieve common goals.
• MS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Communicate and work productively with others, considering different perspectives, and cultural views to increase the quality of work.
• MS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Demonstrate leadership, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility in all environments.

Lesson:

We often tout how well-connected our society is.  Ever-improving technology allows us to contact almost anyone, almost anywhere, at almost any time via a wide-variety of methods – texting, phone calls, Snap Chat, Twitter, Facebook, Skype, and a host of other applications.

Though our methods of connection have multiplied, our ability to connect with one another at a human, person-to-person level may be diminishing.  In many ways, technology limits our interaction with our wider community by allowing us to filter who we see and what we hear.  Citizenship requires that we engage with our community by learning about the individuals who make up our society.  It requires that we work together to build a community that is inclusive of different people, different ideas, and different experiences.  To build that type of community, to be an engaged citizen, requires connection.

Ask students to watch the video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSLJ3JDIDgY

After the video, ask students what they saw in the video.  What happened when people had to make eye contact for 1 minute?  (smiled, hugged, cried, etc.)

Ask student why they think people had each of those reactions.

Optional Activity:  Ask students to do the experiment and look into someone’s eyes for 1 minute without speaking.  Ask students to analyze that experience.

 There is nothing inherently wrong with connecting to people using technology, but nothing will ever replace sharing a physical space, sharing eye contact, and engaging.

Moreover, effective citizenship requires that we not only know who makes up our community, but to understand what they think and why they think it.  To achieve this level of connection we must work to know people at a substantive level.  Most of our conversations happen at a surface level and that is ok.  Surface level questions (like what did you do this weekend? Did you see this movie?) are efficient, safe, ice breakers.  But if we really want to understand others we must engage each at a more substantive level.

The link below will take you to a list of 36 questions developed by psychologists that are proven to increase closeness between two individuals.  Give students the list of questions and instruct them to take turns asking and answering each question.  You may want to assign partners so that students are connecting with an individual they do not know well.  You may also choose to edit the list of questions for time or content as needed.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions/

Optional Activity:  Instruct students to complete a reflection after their interview.  Did they find any connection points to the person they interviewed?  What did you learn about this person that they didn’t know before?  What are the benefits of knowing this person better – for you and for them?  Etc.

 Parent Connection:

Send parents the link to the 36 questions and encourage them to complete the same activity with their child.

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Here’s to raising a generation of strong, resilient, caring kids!

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.

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The wind and the sun
An Aesop fable

The wind and the sun argued one day over which one was the stronger. Spotting a man man traveling on the road, they sported a challenge to see which one could remove the coat from the man’s back the quickest.

The wind began. He blew strong gusts of air, so strong that the man could barely walk against them. But the man clutched his coat tight against him. The wind blew harder and longer, and the harder the wind blew, the tighter the man held his coat against him. The wind blew until he was exhausted, but he could not remove the coat from the man’s back.

It was now the sun’s turn. He gently sent his beams upon the traveler. The sun did very little, but quietly shone upon his head and back until the man became so warm that he took off his coat and headed for the nearest shade tree.

Moral: Gentle persuasion is stronger than force.

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The dog at the well
Author Unknown

A dog and her pups lived on a farm with a well nearby. The mother dog told the pups not to go near the well or play around it. One of the pups wondered why they shouldn’t go to the well and decided to explore. He went to the well, climbed up the wall, and peeked inside.

In there, he saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. The pup saw that the other dog in the well (his reflection) was doing whatever he was doing, and got angry for imitating him. He decided to fight with the dog and jumped into the well, only to find no dog there. He barked and barked and swam until the farmer came and rescued him. The pup had learned his lesson.

Moral: Always listen to the advice given to you by your parents, and do not ignore them.

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From our guest contributor, Frank Sonnenberg. 

We make commitments every day. They can be simple or life-changing — from simply promising to complete a task to making a lifelong commitment such as becoming a parent or asking for someone’s hand in marriage. But do we take our commitments seriously?

Some folks make commitments at the drop of a hat, thinking they can walk away from the obligation if they change their mind. Don’t they understand that commitments come with responsibility? Don’t they care that they may be hurting someone they care about? Don’t they understand that their actions have consequences? If the answer is yes, why don’t people honor their commitments?

Broken Promises. Broken Commitments.

Commitments often fail because people:

• Lack personal responsibility. Some people make commitments too easily. Then, as soon as the wind changes direction, they head for the exit.
• Make a minimal commitment. Some folks are afraid of getting hurt so they dip their toe in the water rather than jumping in.
• Play the field. Some people don’t like to be tied down. They’d rather settle for several superficial relationships than one meaningful one.
• “Jump ship” for a better offer. Some folks are opportunists. They’re always on the prowl for a better situation.
• Look out for number one. Some people are strictly out for themselves. These selfish folks have a hard time making a commitment that requires even minimal sacrifice.
• Keep score. Some folks treat a relationship as a competition. They can’t stand being on the losing end, even for a short period of time.
• Make too many commitments. Some people can’t find the words or courage to decline a request. They end up breaking their promise; one that they never felt comfortable about making from the start.
• “Chicken out” during tough times. Some people have no character. As soon as something goes south, they’re nowhere to be found.

Do You Understand the Meaning of Commitment?

Here are nine ingredients of a successful commitment. Use them as guideposts through your life.

• Go all in. Think twice before making a commitment. Once you do, take the plunge rather than making a half-hearted effort.
• Honor your word. Accept responsibility. When you make a commitment, you’re giving your word and putting your honor on the line. Act like it.
•  Expect the best. Put your complete trust and faith in the commitments that you make. That will encourage you to focus on long-term potential rather than seeking immediate gain.
• Keep the relationship front and center. Focus as much on the journey as on the end result. Never sacrifice the relationship for results.
•  Give first. Give with an open hand. The odds are high that your deed will be reciprocated. But remember, there’s no need to keep score.
•  Make yourself vulnerable. Be honest and transparent. That will promote a healthy, trusting relationship.
•  Demonstrate your loyalty. Live up to your commitments in good times and bad. Tough times say a lot about us. Make sure they say only good things about you.
•  Watch each other’s back.  Promote opportunities where everyone wins. Focus on their best interests and have faith that they’ll focus on yours.
•  Think as one. Build together, grow together, and win together. It’s that simple.

Do You Take Your Commitments Seriously?

People are way too quick to make commitments and too quick to abandon them. When you make a commitment, you’re not saying I’ll give it a shot, you’re saying, I’m all in –– and nothing less. When you make a commitment, you’re not saying you’ve got more than I’ve got, you’re saying I’m so happy that you’re happy. When you make a commitment, you’re not saying I’ll honor my responsibility when times are good, you’re saying count on me to be at my best when times are worst. The truth is, when you make a promise, you’re not giving your word in erasable pencil, you’re inscribing your commitment in indelible ink.

Making a commitment is serious business and not something to be taken lightly. When you make a commitment, you’re not only keeping your commitment for their benefit, you’re also keeping it for yourself. That’s because your honor and self-respect hang in the balance. What’s that worth? Everything! Be very careful about making commitments and always be faithful in keeping them.

This is adapted from BOOKSMART: Hundreds of real-world lessons for success and happiness by Frank Sonnenberg released November 2016.

Frank is an award-winning author. He has written six books and over 300 articles. Frank was recently named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and one of America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts. Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Additionally,  FrankSonnenbergOnline was named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs,” among the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs,” and one of the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.” Frank’s new book, BookSmart: Hundreds of real-world lessons for success and happiness was released November 2016. © 2018 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

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