From guest contributor Dr. Michele Borba

Though most teachers admit that there are some students they never forget, the same is true about parents.

I vividly remember a mother of one of my students all because of the way she conveyed respect to her child. She did so beautifully in how she listened. I watched her several times throughout the year on our field trips and in our class parties or just those times she’d wait at the door to pick him up. Each time Ricky would talk, she’d stop what she’d do, get down to eye level, look into her son’s eyes, and listen with genuine interest. She had this wonderful ability to block out everything–or at least make her child feel she was–and give her child her full presence. The time was brief – just a minute or so.

The mom’s words usually were nothing more than repeating back small tidbits of what he just said just to let him know she was hearing him. Occasionally she’d add, “Uh-huh,” or “Really?” She acknowledged him simply by saying how she thought he was feeling: “You seem so happy” or “Wow, you look proud.”

The effect on her son was dramatic: Ricky’s whole demeanor brightened when he realized his mom really heard what he had to say. I always wished I could have videotaped her listening skills to play back to other parents. The mom’s behaviors were so simple, but always conveyed respect to her child. That mom exemplified one of the most powerful, tried-and true character-building practices there is: “The best way to ensure that our kids are respectful is to treat them respectfully.”

It should come as no surprise that her child turned out to be one of my most respectful students. He also grew to become a respectful adult.

That’s because of this important principle: children learn respect best from witnessing and experiencing respect.

So Mom and Dad: Tune up respect in your own behavior. After all, it’s a racy, raunchy world out there. I fear what our kids are witnessing and experiencing disrespect.

Seven Simple Respect-Building Parenting Practices

Here are seven simple parenting practices that help children see themselves as valuable human beings. The practices work to instill respect in your child all because your actions let them know you love, respect, and value them. Your child is also witnessing and experiencing respect with these practices so he is more likely to adopt and use the virtue.

1. Treat your child as the most important person in the world.

Here is a simple question to ask yourself: “If I treated my friends the way I treat my child, how would my friends respond?” (Or would you have any friends left? Hmmmm) Beware: very often we say and do things to our children that our friends would never tolerate. 

If you want your children to feel valued, treat them as though they are the most important people in the world. One mom told me she asked herself the question so often it became a nighttime habit. It also helped her remember throughout the day to treat her children respectfully.

2. Give love with no strings attached. 

No child should have to earn our respect and love; it should be guaranteed with birth. Unconditional love is about loving your kids with no strings attached. It is the kind of love that says: “I’ll never stop loving you no matter what you do.” Of course, that doesn’t mean we’re going to necessarily approve all of our children’s behaviors. 

In some cases when our kids’ actions are inappropriate we may need to respond with clear and often passionate correction. But our kids know we’ll always be there for them-no matter what-and that’s the kind of love our kids need if they are to feel they are genuinely respected and valued. Make sure you give your child love that is unconditional and guaranteed, so no matter what he knows you love him.

3. Listen attentively and respectfully.

If there is one common finding from countless different studies it is that kids say they wish their parents would listen-really listen-to them. Attentive listening is a wonderful way to convey respect. 

When your child talks, stop everything and focus completely so that she feels you really value her opinions and want to hear her thoughts. Stop what you’re doing and give your child your full presence for the brief time. 

Hint: Adolescent boys are often threatened by eye contact, so try sitting side to side.

4. Communicate respect with your whole body, not just with your words.

Most of the time our kids aren’t listening to our words nearly as much as they are watching our posture, gestures, and facial expressions and hearing the tone of our voice. So make sure your whole body is communicating respect when you talk to your child.  You may say, “I want to hear your ideas,” but if your child sees you shrug your shoulders, raise your eye brows, smirk your mouth, or roll your eyes, he is likely to pick up a whole different meaning. 

I’ve yet to meet parents who want their kids to think they aren’t interested in their ideas or don’t respect their kids’ feelings. Yet those are the messages children pick up, all because of how parents react when their children talk.           

5. Build positive self-concepts.

Labeling children with such terms as shy, stubborn, hyper, or clumsy can diminish self-esteem and become daily reminders of unworthiness. They can also become self-fulfilling prophecies. 

Regardless of whether the labels are true or not, when children hear them they believe them. So only use labels that build positive self-concepts. One good rule to remember about labeling is this: “If the nickname is not respectful, it’s best not to use it.”

6. Tell them often why you love and cherish them. 

The more you show your child you love her, the more your child learns to value and love herself. So tell your child often that you love her, but also tell her what you love about her and express your gratitude that she is your child. 

“I love that you are so kind.” “I’m so glad I have the fortune of being your mom.” “I love you just the way you are.” “I respect the way you never give up.” 

Never assume that your child knows what feelings you hold in your heart about her. Tell her.

7. Enjoy being together.

One of the best ways to help a child feel respected is to let her know how much you enjoy being with her. Put your child at the top of your schedule and set aside relaxed times together during which you can really get to know who your child is. Only then will you be able to let her know why you value, love, and respect her so.

A quick quiz is to ask yourself which traits you respect in your child. Would your child be able to name those traits as well?

So now the real parenting test: Think back over the last few days. What have you done that helps your children see themselves as valuable human beings because your actions let them know you love, respect, and value them? Don’t forget that our simple day-to-day actions are often the most powerful ways to nurture respect in our children.

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.

Learn more about character education.

Students recognize the central role honesty plays in generating trust and they demonstrate their honesty in their communications in three ways:

1. Truthfulness. Students are truthful; everything they say is true to the best of their knowledge (i.e., they do not lie);
2. Sincerity. Students are sincere. This means they always convey the truth as best they can by avoiding all forms of accidental or intentional deception, distortion or trickery (e.g., it is dishonest to tell only part of the truth in an effort to create a false impression or deliberately omit important facts with the intent to create a false impression); and
3. Candor. Students know that certain relationships (e.g., parent-child, teacher-student, best friends) create a very high expectation of trust. In these relationships, honesty requires them to be candid and forthright by volunteering information to assure that they are conveying the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. (e.g., a student who accidentally spills soda on a school computer must voluntarily tell the teacher without being asked; a student who breaks her mother’s favorite vase must tell her mother voluntarily).

Character Education Objectives:

• Students will reflect on how trust is built and broken in a friendship.

Content Goal

•  Students will define trustworthy behaviors and demonstrate the impact of broken trust.

Language Goal:

• Students will write about things they can do to build their own trustworthy behaviors.

Purpose:

Trust in a relationship is not built overnight. It takes a series of trustworthy actions and behaviors to build it up. Unfortunately, one untrustworthy action can break trust instantly. This lesson is designed to demonstrate how our actions impact trust in a friendship and allow students to explore the concepts of truthfulness, sincerity and candor. 

Lesson:

Discussion (5 min)
Have a large or small group discussion about what does being trustworthy mean? Talk about what it looks like and what is does not look like. Ask students to share examples of trustworthiness they have seen.

Activity (10 min)
Build a trust tower. 

1. Give each child a few blocks. You can use Jenga blocks, building blocks or anything you have in the classroom. You want the students to be able to successfully build the tower, so be sure to plan with the right number of blocks. The best plan is to build the tower with layers of three blocks each, alternating direction on each layer. See the game Jenga for an example.
2. Ask the students one by one to come up and build a tower of trust. Each block represents something they can do to build trust. Ask students to say out loud what they can do to build trust as they place the block. Give all students an opportunity to add one or multiple blocks until you have your tower.
3. Explain to students that you have built this wonderful tower of trust. It’s much like a friendship and it takes work to build by consistently being trustworthy. Sometimes we choose actions that are not trustworthy and that will start to break down that tower.
4. Have prepared statements of untrustworthy actions from your discussion ready. Read a statement and ask one student pull one block for each statement. The student can choose any block. Continue until the tower falls.

Discussion (10 min)
Talk with students about how trust in friendships is built just like they built the tower. One by one your actions show the other person you are trustworthy. When you choose a behavior or action that is untrustworthy it starts to break down that tower. The first untrustworthy action may not knock the tower down, but it may. Could it be the second time? The third? You never know when that tower will fall and that trust will break.

Ask the students to discuss the following questions:

• Is it easier to build trust or to break it down?
• How do you rebuild trust with a friend once it has been broken?
• Are there any times it is ok to be dishonest?

Journal (5 min)
What can I do to be more trustworthy?

Family Connection:

Ask families to replicate the activity you did in class, but think about how they build trust in their family.

1. Draw a line down a piece of paper. On one side write/draw examples of how they show trustworthiness in the family. On the other side write/draw examples of what untrustworthy behaviors could be in the family.
2. You are going to build a trust tower. You will need blocks. Fifteen blocks are great, as you can lay them in 5 layers with 3 blocks in each layer while alternating directions. The game Jenga is a great reference point for this.
3. Ask each family member to place one block at a time. As they place the block, ask them to share something they can do personally to help build trust in the family. Repeating answers is ok because it is all about what that individual can do. Continue until you have a tower of trustworthy behavior.
4. Now, look at your list you made. Read your untrustworthy behaviors one at a time. As you read them, have someone pull any block from the tower. As you start to pull blocks, talk about how sometimes you choose behaviors that are untrustworthy. One time probably will not knock down the tower, but it might. Could it be two behaviors? Three? You never know when that tower of trust that you worked so hard to build in your family may fall.
5. Have a discussion with your family around the following questions:
   • How do we rebuild trust in our family once it has been broken?
   • Is it easier to build trust or destroy trust? Why?

Learn more about character education.

From guest contributor Dr. Michele Borba

One thing is certain, kids aren’t born hateful. Prejudices are learned. Hatred and intolerance can also be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance. If today’s children are to have any chance of living harmoniously in our multiethnic world, it is critical that parents nurture it.

Here are seven solutions you can use that help curtail bigotry while at the same time influence your kids to treat others with respect and understanding. Here are ways to do so:

1. Confront Your Prejudices, Pronto!

The first step to nurturing tolerance is to examine your own prejudices and reflect on how you might be projecting those ideas to your child. Chances are that you are communicating those attitudes to your child. Make a conscious attempt to temper them so that they don’t become your child’s prejudices.

2. Commit to Raising a Tolerant Child

Parents who think through how they want their kids to turn out usually succeed simply because they planned their parenting efforts. So if you really want your child to respect diversity, you must adopt a conviction early on to raise him to do so. Once your child knows your expectations, he will be more likely to embrace your principles.

3. Refuse to Allow Discriminatory Comments, Period! 

When you hear prejudicial comments, verbalize your displeasure. How you respond sends a clear message to your child about your values:

“That’s disrespectful and I won’t allow such things to be said in my house.” or “That’s a biased comment, and I don’t want to hear it.”

Your child needs to hear your discomfort so that she knows you really walk your talk. It also models a response she should imitate if prejudicial comments are made in her presence.

4. Embrace Diversity

From a young age, expose your child to positive images-including toys, music, literature, videos, public role models, and examples from TV or newspaper reports-that represent a variety of ethnic groups.

Encourage your child, no matter how young, to have contact with individuals of different races, religions, cultures, genders, abilities, and beliefs.

The more your child sees how you embrace diversity, the more prone he’ll be to follow your standards and be more empathic and tolerant.

5. Emphasize Similarities

Encourage your child to look for what he has in common with others instead of how he is different. Any time your child points out how she is different from someone, you might say.

“There are lots of ways you are different from other people. Now let’s try to think of ways you are the same.” 

Help her see how similarities outweigh differences.

6. Counter Discriminatory Beliefs

When you hear a child make a prejudicial comment, listen to find out why he feels the way he does. Then gently challenge his views and point out why they are incorrect. For example if your child says:

“Homeless people should get jobs and sleep in their own houses.”

You might counter:

“There are many reasons homeless people don’t work or have houses. They may be ill or can’t find jobs. Houses cost money, and not everyone can pay for one.” 

Stereotypes lead to prejudice. Stop them!

7. Be the Example You Want Copied! 

The best way for your child to learn tolerance is for him to watch and listen to your daily example.

Ask yourself each day one critical question: “If my child had only my behavior to copy, would he be witnessing an example of what I want him to emulate?”

Make sure you are walking your talk.

Hatred, bigotry, prejudice, and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance. Although it’s certainly never too late to begin, the sooner we start nurturing tolerance in our children, the better the chance we have of preventing insidious, intolerant attitudes from taking hold.

There has never been a time when it is most important to do so than now.

Learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor, Dr. Michele Borba

Studies show that active bystanders can do far more than just watch. In fact, student bystanders may be our last, best hope in reducing bullying. 

Active student bystanders can:

• Reduce the audience that a bully craves
• Mobilize the compassion of witnesses to step in and stop the bullying
• Support the victim and reduce the trauma
• Be a positive influence in curbing a bullying episode
• Encourage other students to support a school climate of caring
• Report a bullying incident since 85 percent of time bullying occurs an adult is not present. Students are usually the witnesses

When bystanders intervene correctly, studies find they can cut bullying more than half the time and within 10 seconds. [Pepler and Craig]

Borba’s Six “Be a Bully B.U.S.T.E.R.” Skills 

There are parameters to activate student bystanders, so get educated! Here are a few facts to ensure success:

• To ensure success you must first mobilize students to be active bystanders.
• You must give students permission to step in.
• You must also teach specific strategies so they can step in.
• Each strategy must be rehearsed or role-played, until kids can use it alone. (I’ve had schools have students role-play these in assemblies, make them into chart-reminders that are posted around the school, and even have students create mini-videos of each strategy to share with peers).
• Not every strategy will work for every student, so you must provide a range of strategies.
• Ideally you must enlist your peer leaders – those students on the highest popularity tier who other students look up to – to mobilize other peers.
• Adults must be onboard with the approach and understand what bullying is and how to respond. Adults must listen to student reports on bullying and back students up. The biggest reason kids say they don’t report: “The adult didn’t listen or do anything to help.” Step up adults!

The best news is that child advocates and parents can teach kids these same bystander skills. Doing so empowers children with tools to stop cruelty, help victims, feel safer and reduce bullying. Here are the three steps:

STEP ONE: Teach Students Tattling vs. Reporting

Kids must realize that safety is always the primary goal, so stress to students:

“If someone could get hurt, REPORT!

“It’s always better to be safe than sorry.”

Teach students the crucial difference between “Tattling” and “Reporting” so they will know when they should step in because a child is bullied or when to step back and let two kids handle things for themselves because it’s just friendly teasing. Also identify specific trusted adults children can go to and report bullying incidents if they do identify bullying. Here is the crucial difference:

Tattling is when you trying to get kids IN trouble when they aren’t hurting themselves or other.

Reporting is when you’re trying to help keep kids OUT of trouble because they may get hurt (or they are). Report bullying to an adult you trust. If the adult doesn’t listen, keep reporting until you find an adult who does listen.

STEP TWO: Teach What Bullying Looks and Sounds Like

The next step is to teach students what bullying behaviors look like so they will know when they should step in and not when the behavior is mere teasing.

1. Explain 3 parts of bullying:

1. Bullying is a cruel or aggressive act that is done on purpose. The bully has more power (strength, status, or size) than the targeted child who cannot hold his own.

2. The hurtful bullying behavior is not an accident, but done on purpose.

3. The bully usually seems to enjoy seeing the victim in distress and rarely accepts responsibility and often says the target “deserved” the hurtful treatment.”

2. Teach: “Five Bullying Types”:  Depending on the child’s age, bullying can take on difference forms including and children need to know what those forms. Bullying can be:

1. Physical: Punching, hitting, slamming, socking, spitting, slapping;
2. Verbal: Saying put downs, nasty statements, name calling, taunting, racial slurs, or hurtful comments, threatening;
3. Emotional: Shunning, excluding, spreading rumors or mean gossip, ruining your reputation;
4. Electronic or cyber-bullying: Using the Internet, cell phone, camera, text messaging, photos to say mean or embarrassing things;
5. Sexual: Saying or doingthings that are lewd or disrespectful in a sexual way

3. Mobilize Student Compassion Students could make posters, power-point presentations, skits, or projects about bullying. The key is for students to understand the real definition of bullying. And they must know that the staff is serious about supporting them and will back them up and respond. 

4. Use Literature or Videos: You might also use literature or video clips to help students understand the definition of bullying. Here are a few literature favorites: Confessions of a Former Bully by Trudy Ludwig; Say Something by Peggy Moss Gardiner;  Teammates by Peter Golenbock; The Bully Blockers Club, by Teresa Bateman.

STEP THREE: Teach “Bully BUSTER Bystander” Skills

I teach the acronym BUSTER as a mnemonic to help kids remember the skills more easily. Each letter in the word represents one of the six bystander skills.

Not all strategies work for all kids. The trick is to match the techniques with what works best with the child’s temperament and comfort level and the particular situation. 

Don’t forget to ask students for their input and additional ideas. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me!

1. B-Befriend the Victim

Bystanders often don’t intervene because they don’t want to make things worse or assume the victim doesn’t want help. But research shows that if witnesses know a victim feels upset or wants help they are more likely to step in. Also, if a bystander befriends a victim, the act is more likely to get others to join the cause and stand up to the bully. A few ways bystanders can befriend victims:

• Show comfort: Stand closer to the victim.
• Wave other peers over: “Come help!”
• Ask if the victim wants support: “Do you need help?”
• Empathize: “I bet he feels sad.”
• Clarify feelings: “She looks upset.”

You can also encourage students to befriend a bullied after the episode. “That must have felt so bad.” “I’m with you. Sorry I didn’t speak out.” “That happened to me, too.” “Do you want me to help you find a teacher to talk to?” Though after the episode won’t reduce the bullying at the moment, it will help reduce the pain of both the targeted child and the witness. It may also help other children recognize there are safe ways to defend and support a targeted child.

2. U-Use a Distraction

The right diversion can draw peers from the scene, make them focus elsewhere, give the target a chance to get away, and may get the bully to move on. Remember, a bully wants an audience, so bystanders can reduce it with a distraction. 

One of the best distractions I’ve ever seen was a teen who saw bullying but did not fee safe stepping in to help (and most children as well as adults do not). So he got crafty. He unzipped his backpack and then walked nearby the scene and threw the backpack to the ground. Of course, he made it appear as though it was an accident, but it was a deliberate and brilliant act. “Oh no,” he said. “All my stuff is on the ground and the bell is going to ring. My grade will get dinged. Can anyone help?” And the teen drew the audience from the bully to help him pick up his papers. The target also had a chance to sneak to safety. 

Ploys include:

• Ask a question: “What are you all doing here?”
• Use diversion: “There’s a great volleyball game going on! Come on!”
• Make up false excuse to disperse a crowd: “A teacher is coming!”
• Feigning interruption: “I can’t find my bus.”

3. S-Speak Out and Stand Up!

Speaking out can get others to lend a hand and join you. You must stay cool, and never boo, clap, laugh, or insult, which could egg the bully on even more. Students also must learn how to assert themselves and say that speaking up to a bully is the hardest of the six Bully Buster Strategies. The students in the photo are learning my “CALM Approach” when speaking up to a bully. Best yet, older students are teaching the skill to younger students. Stress that directly confronting a bully is intimidating and it’s a rare kid who can, but there are ways to still stand up to cruelty. Here are a few possibilities:

• Show disapproval: Give a cold, silent stare.
• Name it: “That’s bullying!”
• Label it: “That’s mean!”
• State disapproval: “This isn’t cool!” “Don’t do that!” “Cut it out!”
• Ask for support: “Are you with me?”

4. T-Tell or Text For Help

Bystanders often don’t report bullying for fear of retaliation, so make sure they know which adults will support them, and ensure confidentiality. You must give students the option of anonymous reporting. An active bystander could:

• Find an adult you trust to tell. Keep going until you find someone who believes you
• Call for help from your cell.
• Send a text to someone who can get help. Many schools now have a text service. 
• Call 911 if someone could be injured.

5. E-Exit Alone or With Others

Stress that bullies love audiences. Bystanders can drain a bully’s power by reducing the group size a few ways. Students bystanders could:

• Encourage: “You coming?”
• Ask: “What are you all doing here?”
• Direct: “Let’s go!”
• Suggest: “Let’s leave.”
• Exit: If you can’t get others to leave with you, then walk away. If you stay, you’re part of the cruelty. Leaving means you refuse to be part. Just quietly leave the scene.

6. R-Give a Reason or Offer a Remedy

Research finds that bystanders are more likely to help when told why the action is wrong or what to do. Students could:

• Review why it’s wrong: “This isn’t right!” “This is mean!” “You’ll get suspended.” “You’ll hurt him.”
• Offer a remedy: “Go get help!” “Let’s work this out with Coach.”

Final Thoughts 

The right comments and behaviors can make peers stop, think, consider the consequences, and even move on. Those seconds are crucial and enough to stop the bullying or mobilize other students to step in and help. 

Bystanders can make a difference. They can be mobilized to step in and reduce bullying-that is if they are taught how. 

But it’s up to adults to show students safe ways to do so, help them practice those strategies so they are comfortable using them in the real world, and then support and believe them and acknowledge their courageous efforts.

Hundreds of students today skipped school because of peer intimidation and bullying. It’s time to rethink our strategies and teach bystanders how to step in safely and speak out against peer cruelty.

For specific ways educators can create a caring, inclusive schools refer to my book, End Peer Cruelty, Build Empathy: The Proven 6Rs of Bullying Prevention That Create Inclusive, Safe and Caring Schools (from Free Spirit Press,on sale in February 2018.

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.

Learn more about character education.

Download a PDF of this game card.

Character Education Objective:

• Students will engage in conversation with another student to talk about their own experience with random acts of kindness

Content Goal:

•  Students will be able to understand their moral duty to care for one another.

Language Goal:

• Students will journal about the personal benefits of performing random acts of kindness.

Purpose:

Random acts of kindness are some of the simplest ways to say you care. Not only do these acts benefit those who need it, but it has a huge benefit for those performing those acts. When you care for others, your own happiness levels increase! Filling the bucket of someone else also helps to fill your own. This lesson is designed for students to engage in random acts of kindness throughout the day and allows classrooms to celebrate those acts in a fun and exciting way!

Lesson:

1. Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU
2. Ask students to find a partner and answer the following questions:
   1. What are some random acts of kindness you have seen?
   1. How does it feel to have someone do something kind for you?
   1. How does it feel to do an act of kindness for another person?
3. As a class, complete the empty squares on the Random Acts of Kindness Bingo with actions specific to your day.
4. Decide on the classroom celebration when you complete a bingo.
5. Play Random Acts of Kindness Bingo!
6. Have students journal about how it felt to do acts of kindness for others and the benefits you feel of being the one who helps. 

Family Connection:

Encourage families to watch the following video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU.

Ask families to create a list of possible random acts of kindness they could do as family. Plan to do one act every month. This website could help families think of some good ideas: https://www.care.com/c/stories/3757/101-random-acts-of-kindness-ideas-to-practice/

Learn more about character education.

The holiday season is often filled with gift-giving, hot chocolate and twinkling lights. Those things are all a beautiful and wonderful part of the holiday, but this time of year is truly about selflessness, kindness and compassion. What we do for others brings us joy and cheer, it makes us feel good knowing that we can make someone else feel special. It only takes one act of kindness towards your friends, family or a stranger to show that you care and want to spread joy. So, remember that during this holiday season you have the power to pay it forward and brighten someone’s day. 

1. Pay for another person’s meal in the drive-thru. This simple and unexpected act of kindness can brighten someone’s day and remind them that they are cared about. 
2. Donate blood. Taking an hour out of your day to donate blood can make a huge difference in the lives of people who may be unable to be home with their families during the holidays. 
3. Clean out your closet and donate. We all have those few items of clothing that sit in our closet waiting to be worn all year long. Clear out those unused clothing items and bring them to a local youth center or homeless shelter. Warm items are especially appreciated during the winter. 
4. Compliment a stranger. Do you like someone’s sweater? Tell them! Do you like someone’s shoes? Tell Them! Do you appreciate someone? Tell them! 
5. Invite your neighbors or someone you lost touch with out for coffee. Life is busy for everyone and we can lose touch with those who were once so close to us. Reach out to someone you’ve been growing distant from to catch up and reminisce.  
6. Shovel snow or mow the lawn for someone. If you have some extra time, show your neighbors you appreciate them and help them out with some yard work. 
7. Take someone’s dog for a walk. Get some exercise and puppy time for yourself by helping a friend by taking their dog for a walk around the block. 
8. Give a generous tip to your waitress or waiter. Servers work super hard, especially during the busy holiday season. By leaving a generous tip you’re letting your server know you appreciate their hard work and you’ll boost their mood for the rest of their shift
9. Leave a positive review of a local business or restaurant. Local businesses rely heavily on positive word of mouth to spread the news about their businesses. By giving a 5-star review on Yelp or Google, you can help out a small business. 
10. Buy a reusable shopping bag for someone behind you in line. Help be more environmentally responsible and make someone’s day by gifting them a bag they can keep in their car to continuously reuse. 

The holidays are a great time to get started on paying it forward as we reflect on all of the great times of the past year. Often, paying it forward can set forth a chain reaction. If you do something nice for someone else, they might just pay that kindness forward to another person. If you do something nice for two people, and those two people do something nice for two new people, the chain reaction could be endless. You have the power to set a powerful chain in motion by starting with any one of the simple ways to pay it forward above. 

Learn more about character education.

Character Education Objective:

• Students will discuss how to develop and maintain positive relationships in their lives.

Content Objective:

•  Students will define, establish, and maintain healthy relationships. 

Language Objective:

• Students will employ strategies to promote positive relationship building and connections.

Purpose:

Human beings need opportunities to build and maintain positive relationships in all stages of life. Providing teens with opportunities to develop a clear definition of what healthy relationships look and sound like is important to help ensure health development, physically, socially, and emotionally. Creating positive models and situations to practice healthy boundaries and communication is important to grow relationships and social connections. 

Lesson 

Independent

• Who do you have a healthy, positive relationship within your life?
• How does this connection with this individual make you feel?

Productive Group Work: 

• Read this article and/or infographic about connection and the impact on health.
• List the impact of human connections on health 

Whole Group Discussion:

• What did you learn?
• What are some ways to spend more time with friends?

Reflection Journal (Independent task) 

• Compare and Contrast the feelings/benefits of social media time with friends and in-person time with friends 
• How will you get out from behind the screen and be seen this week?

#BeSeen

#CharacterCounts

Learn more about character education.

Character Education Objective:

• Students will discuss how connection increases communication and collaboration. 

Content Objective:

•  Students will discuss what the Six Pillars look like in them, their friends and the people they admire.

Language Objective:

• Students will journal about how they can actively work to connect with one another.

Purpose:

Including intentional connection time with your students is a great way to show the importance of connecting with one another. When we are connected we communicate better, collaborate more successfully and assume better intentions in one another. We often think of connection as something to check off the list at the beginning of the year a getting to know you activity, but in reality it is something that needs to happen regularly. The following activity will allow students to connect over character traits they see in themselves and those that are important to them. 

Lesson 

• Watch “Six Pillar Shuffle” and encourage the students to dance along.
• Electricity Split the students in two equal groups. Each group will be a team. Encourage them to get together and create team names. One team will get in a line standing shoulder to shoulder and all facing one way. The other team will get in another line shoulder to shoulder and facing the other team. The lines should be a few feet apart. There should be an aisle between the lines.
• If students point directly in front them, they should be pointing at only one student and one student should be pointing at them. This is their partner for the first round. Have students discuss the following question with their partner: What’s your favorite cartoon character?Now, students will play a game to get their next partner. To set up, you keep the teams in their lines and determine which side will be the start and which side will be the end of the line. At the end of the line, place an item on the ground evenly between the last two players of each team. The game is passing a high five down their team’s line from the starting side until it gets to the last person. The only rule is that you may not pass the high five until the high five is given to you.
• Once the high five hits the last person then the last person will grab the item from the ground. The first team to grab the item is the winner. The team that lost will move one person to the left. The person on the furthest left spot will walk down the aisle to the other end of the line. If you want, encourage the students to do a little Six Pillar Shuffle down the aisle! This should give students a new partner. With their new partner, have students discuss: What makes a person trustworthy? Have the students get ready to pass along the high five again.
• Once the winning team is determined, have the team that lost move one to the left again. This will give the students a new partner. Have the new partners discuss a question and then repeat the game and questions until you have answered all of them: How do you respect your friends? Who is someone in your life you think is responsible? Why? Was there a time in your life when something was unfair? How did you handle that?How has someone show you they cared for you? Who is someone you admire that shows good citizenship?
• When the game is done, talk about the power of connection. When we do these games, we are connecting with one another and finding things we have in common or how we think similarly. When we find that connection with someone we are kinder, more respectful and work better together. It’s important to take the time to connect with each other and it doesn’t always take a game. Encourage students to take the time to connect to someone they don’t know well during lunch, recess, group projects or collaboration times in the classroom. 
• Have the students journal about ways they can make connections throughout the day. Connection is not something you can do just once and check it off the list. It must be done continually. Connection is also something that doesn’t always come naturally and sometimes needs to be intentionally planned. During this journaling time, you should encourage students to think about those two things and how they will work in connection into their day more frequently.

Family Connection 

Give a brief overview of the importance of connection. Encourage families to watch a video about the power of connecting with those who may look and think differently than you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQuM5e0QGLg

Give the families the following prompts to connect around character development:

• What makes a person trustworthy?
• How do you respect your friends?
• Who is someone in your life you think is responsible? Why?
• Was there a time in your life when something was unfair? How did you handle that?
• How has someone show you they cared for you?
• Who is someone you admire that shows good citizenship?

Learn more about character education.

Character Education Objective:

• Students will discuss the impact of
  gossip on individuals, teams, friend groups, and families.

Content Objective:

•  Students will commit to a No Gossip challenge to show respect.

Language Objective:

• Students will share ideas about
  spreading the #NoGossip

Purpose:

Gossip is a toxic cloud that spreads darkness around the globe and runs rampant in schools and communities. Creating a culture of respect is vital to ensure learners feel safe and like they belong. So, let’s build a 40 Day No Gossip Campaign to empower students, teachers, administrators and families to stand for respect.

Lesson:

• Independent (3 mins)
  • Write about a time you have heard, been part of, or were gossiped about in school or on social media.
    • How did it make you feel?
  • Write one feeling on a sticky note and add it to the whiteboard or post on social media: Instagram/Twitter/Facebook #NoGossip #CHARACTERCOUNTS

• Vocabulary (2mins): What do these words mean? (Optional)
  • Gossip
  • Maim
  • Tarnish
  • Elusive

• Productive Group Work (10mins):
  • Read the poem (or print image of poem below)
  • List the attributes and impact of gossip you find?
  • What are some respectful statements you can use to stop gossip you might hear?
  • Make a plan about how your group will spread the #NoGossip

• Whole Group Discussion (3 mins):
  • How can showing respect to others
    stop gossiping behavior?
  • What will your group do to spread
    the #NoGossip?

• Reflection Journal (Independent task 2 mins)
  • Post on social media and/or in planner
    • #NoGossip #CHARACTERCOUNTS! #Respect

Family
Connection

• Tech Support
  • Friend
    your child and follow their social media profiles
  • Share
    out a social media post as a family with #NoGossip #CHARACTERCOUNTS!
• Pillar Time
  • Share
    ways to stop gossip in your household
  • Practice
    ways to lovingly hold one another accountable to no gossip
  • Invite
    extended family to join your family in the #NoGossip #CHARACTERCOUNTS!
• Dinner Discussion
  • What
    is harmful about gossip?
  • How
    is gossip disrespectful?
  • What
    feelings do you associate with gossip?

Learn more about character education.

From guest contributor, Dr. Michele Borba

Did you know that empathetic children share nine habits that they developed? Empathy can be cultivated and we have work to do. Here are the 9 habits of empathetic children.

DEVELOPING EMPATHY

Empathy Habit 1: Emotional Literacy

Teaching emotion literacy as the gateway to empathy so children can recognize and understand the feelings and needs of others in their body language, voice tone or facial expressions, Chapter 1.

Face-to-face instant is the best way kids learn to read emotions and develop empathy. Don’t let digital devices rob your kids of connecting with your family or classroom interactions. Set unplugged, digital times and then stick to them!

Kids also need an emotional vocabulary to discuss emotions and guidance for using it to become emotionally literate. Did you know that parents discuss, explain, and encourage daughters to share feelings far more than they do their sons? Talk emotions to your sons. Just find natural ways to point out feelings in everyday conversations.

Empathy Habit 2: Moral Identity

Helping children develop ethical codes and caring mindsets so they are more likely to adopt caring values that guide their integrity and activate their empathy to feel with and help others, Chapter 2. 

Share your beliefs! Parents who raise kids with strong Moral Identities don’t do so by accident. They ensure that their children know what their family stands for. State your values again and again, so youth children understandings the “why” behind your beliefs.

Be a role model of integrity. What you do in those ordinary moments may be powerful images for your children to deposit in his identity bank.

Empathy Habit 3. Perspective Taking

Stretching perspective taking abilities and Theory of Mind so children can step into others’ shoes to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and views, Chapter 3.

Look for occasions to draw attention to people’s feelings, and then ask your child to guess what the person might need in order to change his mood. And stretch your child’s perspective using in everyday moments. Here are three simple ways:

In the news: “That girl won the spelling bee. How do you think she feels?” In books: “Take the bears’ side. How would you feel if Goldilocks used your beds and chairs without asking?” On TV: “The cyclone destroyed most of the children’s homes. What do you think those kids are feelings and thinking?”

Empathy Habit 4. Moral Imagination

Using elevating, emotionally-charged images in literature, film, news and images as a source of inspiration to help children become more empathetic, Chapter 4.

UnSelfie offers countless ways to use books to help children journey into the world of another. One quick idea is to check the teacher’s website for your child’s required reading list (or look at the bottom of his backpack!), and then get two copies of each school reading requirement: one for you and one for your kid. Though you each read the book alone, the experience creates discussions, opportunities to share your thoughts and hear your child’s views!

PRACTICING EMPATHY

Empathy Habit 5. Self-Regulation

Helping children learn ways to manage strong emotions and reduce personal distress to keep their empathy open, avoid the Empathy Gap and be more likely empathize and to help others, Chapter 5.

UnSelfie offers many ways to help kids learn to calm down but key is practicing the strategy together until your child can use it alone.

One simple tip is to teach “Belly Breathing.” Sit straight in a chair or lie flat on the floor with hands low on belly. Inhale deeply through your nose, gently hold it, and then let the air out slowly through your lips.

Empathy Habit 6. Practicing Kindness

Developing and exercising kindness and pro-social behaviors to increase children’s concern about the welfare and feelings of others and enhance the likelihood that they will step in to help, support or comfort others, Chapter 6.

Look for simple ways for your child to see you extend kindness: offering your seat on the bus to an elderly person, phoning your friend who is down, asking somehow how she is feeling. Just be sure to tell your child how good it made you feel! The more kids witness or experience what it feels like to be a “Kindness Giver” the more likely they will incorporate the virtue as part of their character.

Empathy Habit 7. Collaboration

Cultivating teamwork and collaborative abilities to help kids work with others to achieve shared goals for the benefit of all and develop a WE, not ME mindset, Chapter 7.

Encourage your child to have contact with individuals of different races, cultures, ages, genders, abilities, and beliefs in school, after school, or at summer camp. Make sure you display an openness that is positive to diversity so that your kids model how you respect differences.

Help your child notice what he has in common with others, not how he is different. Your child: “Those kids have dark skin.” Your question: “So how are you alike? Your child: “Well, they go to our church and play guitar like me.”

LIVING EMPATHY

Empathy Habit 8. Moral Courage

Promoting moral courage and teaching children Upstander skills and situational awareness to embolden them to speak out, step in, and help others, Chapter 8.

Many kids assume they need to look like the Incredible Hulk to be courageous. Dispel that myth by sharing stories with your kids of people who changed the world with their quiet, nonphysical courageous acts. Here are three ideas to share with kids from UnSelfie:

Pee Wee Reese (the white player who stood up for his black teammate, Jackie Robinson, and stopped the jeering crowd with his quiet compassion.

Mahatma Gandhi, the leader of nonviolent civil disobedience was painfully shy as a boy and “could not bear to talk to anybody,” so he ran home after school every day.”

Rosa Parks, the African American civil rights activist who refused to give up her seat to white passengers, was described as “soft-spoken…timid and shy.”

Empathy Habit 9. Altruistic Leadership Abilities

Cultivating altruistic leadership abilities to motivate children to make a difference for others, no matter how small it may be and boost their chances of becoming Social Changemakers, Chapter 9.

A child who sees herself as altruistic is more likely to help others, because children act in ways that match their self-image. Help your child see herself as a help by praising her efforts. “You are such a helper! Thank you for taking time to help your friend pick up things from his backpack. He was so worried about being late to class.”

What are you doing to cultivate the 9 habits?

I will describe each habit more thoroughly in upcoming blogs as well as proven benefits for nurturing them in our children. UnSelfie provides over 300 strategies educators and parents can use to help children acquire these nine vital habits.

Empathy can be cultivated in our youth and doing so will dramatically enhance their success, happiness and well-being. It’s why we must address both sides of the report card. Here are four questions to consider:

1. Which empathy habits are you helping your children acquire?
2. Which empathy habits might you be overlooking?
3. Which empathy habits is your school addressing or may be overlooking?
4. Which habit are you interested in nurturing in your children or students?

I’d love to hear your ideas! Here’s to a generation of caring, committed, courageous, and successful children!

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned consultant, educational psychologist and recipient of the National Educator Award who has presented workshops to over a million participants worldwide. She is a recognized expert in parenting, bullying, youth violence, and character development and author of 22 books including UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World, The 6Rs of Bullying Prevention: Best Proven Practices to Combat Cruelty and Build Respect,The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Building Moral Intelligence. She has appeared over 130 times on the TODAY show and is a frequent expert on national media including Dateline, The View, Dr. Oz, Anderson Cooper, CNN, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Phil. To book her for speaking or media even refer to her website: www.micheleborba.com. Follow her on twitter @MicheleBorba.

Learn more about character education.