Character Education Objective: Teach students how to use Two-Way Communication to understand the perspective of other individuals, and use Win-Win Negotiation to reach an equitable solution.  

Core Alignment:

• HS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Communicate and work productively with others, incorporating different perspectives and cross cultural understanding, to increase innovation and the quality of work.

• HS – Demonstrate leadership skills, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility while collaborating to achieve common goals.

• MS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Communicate and work productively with others, considering different perspectives, and cultural views to increase the quality of work.

• MS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Demonstrate leadership, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility in all environments.

Lesson:

Though life is inherently unfair, it is the responsibility of each individual to treat one another as fairly as possible.  What is fair, however, is not always equal.  Often, we need to try and take the perspective of other individuals to better understand their perspective, their situation, and the best course of action to suit the needs of all involved.  Each of us has a story and perspective that influences the way we see and experience the world.  Watch the following video as example.

Perspective Video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ-pU7ozt3g

Unfortunately, no one walks around with their story visible for all to see.  In order to understand one another, we must utilize our Two-Way Communication skills.  Effective communication begins by seeking to understand FIRST.  Ask students what seeking to understand looks like/sounds like. (Examples: asking questions, verifying what others have said, asking clarifying questions, etc.)

Seeking to understand the perspective of others first, makes it easier for us to explain our own perspective, and find points of agreement and alignment.  Ask students what effective seeking to be understood strategies they know.  (Examples: Use “I” statements like “I think, I believe,” and avoid “You” statements that can often feel like attacks on the other person)

When we effectively seek to understand and be understood, it helps us establish common ground and negotiate a fair solution.  Win-win negotiation requires an expression of “this is what you want” (seek to understand), “this is what I want” (seek to be understood), and asks, “what can we do together to get the most of what WE want?”

Ask students to apply the Two-Way Communication principles and Win-Win Negotiation to hypothetical scenarios.  Can they arrive at a solution that is fair to everyone?

Hypothetical Example:

Homecoming activities have been permanently cancelled after a group of students vandalized the school. The vast majority of students did not participate in the acts of vandalizing, but everyone is being punished for the actions of a few.  Use the Seek to Understand/Seek to be Understood model to understand the perspectives of all stakeholders in the situation.  Then, try and find a win-win solution that addresses the wants/needs of all parties.

Family Connection:

Ask students to think about a rule or practice in their home that they deem unfair (curfew, driving rules, time spent on phone, etc.)  Encourage students to engage their parents in a conversation about that rule.  Students should seek to understand the perspective of their parents first – why does this rule or practice exist?  Then, students should express their perspective and explain that perspective (saying “it’s not fair” isn’t good enough).

Students should then explore any win-win solutions that exist.  For example:

Student:  Wants to drive his/her friends to an away basketball game.

Parent: Wants their student to travel safely, and doesn’t believe he/she has enough driving experience to drive at night with a car full of friends.

What could they negotiate that is fair to everyone?

If going to the game is most important – can the parent drive?

If hanging out with friends is more important, can that be done without driving an hour across the state?

Learn more about character education.

Character Education Objective: Help students understand the importance of connecting to other individuals.  Develop connection strategies and provide an opportunity for students to practice connecting with others.

Core Alignment:

• HS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Communicate and work productively with others, incorporating different perspectives and cross cultural understanding, to increase innovation and the quality of work.
• HS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Demonstrate leadership skills, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility while collaborating to achieve common goals.
• MS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Communicate and work productively with others, considering different perspectives, and cultural views to increase the quality of work.
• MS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Demonstrate leadership, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility in all environments.

Lesson:

We often tout how well-connected our society is.  Ever-improving technology allows us to contact almost anyone, almost anywhere, at almost any time via a wide-variety of methods – texting, phone calls, Snap Chat, Twitter, Facebook, Skype, and a host of other applications.

Though our methods of connection have multiplied, our ability to connect with one another at a human, person-to-person level may be diminishing.  In many ways, technology limits our interaction with our wider community by allowing us to filter who we see and what we hear.  Citizenship requires that we engage with our community by learning about the individuals who make up our society.  It requires that we work together to build a community that is inclusive of different people, different ideas, and different experiences.  To build that type of community, to be an engaged citizen, requires connection.

Ask students to watch the video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSLJ3JDIDgY

After the video, ask students what they saw in the video.  What happened when people had to make eye contact for 1 minute?  (smiled, hugged, cried, etc.)

Ask student why they think people had each of those reactions.

Optional Activity:  Ask students to do the experiment and look into someone’s eyes for 1 minute without speaking.  Ask students to analyze that experience.

 There is nothing inherently wrong with connecting to people using technology, but nothing will ever replace sharing a physical space, sharing eye contact, and engaging.

Moreover, effective citizenship requires that we not only know who makes up our community, but to understand what they think and why they think it.  To achieve this level of connection we must work to know people at a substantive level.  Most of our conversations happen at a surface level and that is ok.  Surface level questions (like what did you do this weekend? Did you see this movie?) are efficient, safe, ice breakers.  But if we really want to understand others we must engage each at a more substantive level.

The link below will take you to a list of 36 questions developed by psychologists that are proven to increase closeness between two individuals.  Give students the list of questions and instruct them to take turns asking and answering each question.  You may want to assign partners so that students are connecting with an individual they do not know well.  You may also choose to edit the list of questions for time or content as needed.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions/

Optional Activity:  Instruct students to complete a reflection after their interview.  Did they find any connection points to the person they interviewed?  What did you learn about this person that they didn’t know before?  What are the benefits of knowing this person better – for you and for them?  Etc.

 Parent Connection:

Send parents the link to the 36 questions and encourage them to complete the same activity with their child.

Learn more about character education.

Character Education Objective: This lesson exposes students to the research illustrating the benefits of gratitude, and suggests activities to help students develop a habit of expressing gratitude.

Core Alignment:

• HS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Demonstrate leadership skills, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility while collaborating to achieve common goals.
• MS – Essential Concept and/or Skill: Demonstrate leadership, integrity, ethical behavior, and social responsibility in all environments.

Lesson:

Expressing gratitude is one of the simplest ways to demonstrate caring to other individuals. Moreover, research shows that expressing gratitude has the added benefit of raising our happiness levels, making us more productive and healthier, especially if we make gratitude a habit.

Start the lesson by showing students the following videos.

• Video #1 showcases the research demonstrating the long-term benefits of expressing gratitude –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCV-mEsASLA
• Video #2 shows an example of one gratitude activity in action.  Namely, individuals in this video wrote a letter to someone in their life whom they wanted to thank. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3G5sdUUd1Y&list=PLzvRx_johoA94j1Jbq18J-fEaB_NgvcHn&t=0s&index=9

After watching the videos, review the benefits of expressing gratitude with students. Remind students that the long-term benefits of expressing gratitude are only felt if we make expressing gratitude a habit.  Invite students to participate in one (or several) gratitude habits.  (You can also assign one or more of these activities).

• Gratitude Journal: Each day, students journal about what they are grateful for over the previous 24 hours, and why they are grateful for that event, person, object, etc. (You can also create a shared Google Document where students write their gratitudes each day for others to see, if desired).
• 3 Gratitudes: Ask students to share three things they are grateful for each day.  Students can do this in groups, in a journal, as homework with their parents, etc.
• Random Act of Kindness: Each day students should spend two minutes writing an e-mail, or making a phone call praising or thanking someone for something they have done (texting not allowed).  Students may choose a friend, family member, teacher – anyone deserving of praise or thanks.
  (You can also do this in-class.  Each day, have students draw the name of another student in the class.  Students then have a week to write down three things they appreciate about the person they drew.  Students should be encouraged to look beyond, “I like your shoes,” or “your notebook is pretty.”  Instead, they should notice when their person has contributed to the class, or helped a classmate, or something more substantive.  At the end of the week, collect the three things and distribute them to the class.  Students should not know who wrote about them.)

Students should complete each activity daily for a minimum of 21 days in order to form a habit.  You can also combine any of these activities with the Thanksgiving Facebook challenge of expressing gratitude for something each day leading up to Thanksgiving.

This is also an excellent opportunity to help students develop a growth mindset. Encourage students to express gratitude for mistakes they have made, and the lessons they have learned from those mistakes.

Parent Connection:

Send parents the video link(s) viewed in class.  Encourage parents to participate in the gratitude challenge (journaling, 3 gratitudes, random act of kindness) you have assigned your students.  Or, ask parents to participate in the gratitude challenge seen in the video – write a letter to someone they are grateful for, and ask them to read the letter.

You may also choose to encourage parents to use Thanksgiving as an opportunity to share 3 gratitudes around the dinner table.  Or, share their gratitude letter at Thanksgiving.

Learn more about character education.

With a variety of books to choose from, it can be overwhelming to find books to help teach character. Here’s a list of a few book suggestions to start conversations about creating friendships and the value of them.

The Loudest Roar by Thomas Taylor 
Best for: PreK
ISBN-10: 043950130X
ISBN-13: 978-0439501309
Clovis loves roaring and making a lot of noise! But the other animals are sick of being roared out of their peace and so they devise a strategy to show Clovis that it takes more than being the best to get along with others.

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A Bargain for Frances by Russel & Lillian Hoban
Best for: Grades K – 2
ISBN-10: 006444001X
ISBN-13: 978-0064440011
Thelma always seems to get Frances into trouble. When she tricks Frances into buying her tea set, it’s the last straw. Can Frances show her that it’s better to lose a bargain than lose a friend? Follow Frances through the trials of friendship in A Bargain for Frances.

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A Sick Day for Amos McGee by Philip C. Stead
Best for: Grades K – 2
ISBN-10: 1596434023
ISBN-13: 978-1596434028
Friends come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. In Amos McGee’s case, all sorts of species, too! But when Amos is too sick to make it to the zoo, his animal friends decide it’s time they paid him a visit!

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Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White
Best for: Grades 3 – 7
ISBN-10: 0064400557
ISBN-13: 978-0064400558
E. B. White’s Newbery Honor Book is a tender novel of friendship, family, and adventure that will continue to be enjoyed by generations to come.

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Roses are Pink, Your Feet Really Stink by Diane DeGrout
Best for: Grades 3 – 5
ISBN-10: 0688152201
ISBN-13: 978-0688152208
Gilbert has 15 blank Valentine cards just waiting for him to fill with nice Valentine poems for his classmates. But how can he write a nice poem for the boy who tweaked his nose or the girl who made fun of his glasses?

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Stuart’s Cape by Sara Pennypacker
Best for: Grades 3 – 5
ISBN-10: 0439301807
ISBN-13: 978-0439301800
Stuart’s got problems. It’s raining. He’s bored. And worst of all, he’s new in town, so he’s got a lot to worry about. But what does a kid like Stuart need in order to have an adventure…and to stop worrying? A cape, of course!

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The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Best for: Grades 7 – 12
ISBN-10: 0060757353
ISBN-13: 9780060757359
Meet Mr. Pignati, a lonely old man with a beer belly and an awful secret. He’s the Pigman, and he’s got a great big twinkling smile. When John and Lorraine, two high school sophomores, meet Mr. Pignati, they learn his whole sad, zany story.

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Where Things Come Back by John Corey Whaley
Best for: Grades 9 – 12
ISBN- 10: 1442413344
ISBN-13: 9781442413344
This extraordinary tale from a rare literary voice finds wonder in the ordinary and illuminates the hope of second chances.

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With thousands of books to choose from, it can be an overwhelming task to find books to help teach courage. Here’s a few book suggestions to start those conversations.

Sheila Rae, The Brave by Kevin Henkes
Best for: Grades PreK-2
ISBN-10: 0688147380

ISBN-13: 978-0688147389

“I am very brave,” Sheila Rae said, patting herself on the back. She wasn’t afraid of anything—not thunder, not lightning, not the big black dog at the end of the block. And when she wanted to walk home a new way and Louise wouldn’t, she called her sister a scaredy-cat and set out alone. But all the bravado in the world failed to help when Sheila Rae found herself lost. Luckily, her sister was not far behind.
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The Wildest Brother by Cornelia Funke

Best for: Grades PreK-3

ISBN-10: 0439828627

ISBN-13: 978-0439828628

Brave as a lion, strong as an elephant, Ben is a fearless young boy. When it comes to protecting his big sister, Anna, nothing can stand in his way! Gallantly he spends his day battling moldy green ghosts, slime-belching monsters, and all sorts of ferocious beasts. But when the day is over and darkness falls, Ben suddenly doesn’t feel quite so brave. Sometimes, he realizes, it’s the big sister who does the protecting.
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I’m Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem by Jamie Lee Curtis 

Best for: Grades PreK-3

ISBN-10: 0060287616

ISBN-13: 978-0060287610

Celebrate liking yourself! Through alternating points of view, a girl’s and a boy’s, Jamie Lee Curtis’s triumphant text and Laura Cornell’s lively artwork show kids that the key to feeling good is liking yourself because you are you.

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Henry’s Freedom Box: A True Story from the Underground Railroad by Ellen Levine

Best for: Grades PreK-5

ISBN-10: 043977733X

ISBN-13: 978-0439777339

Henry Brown doesn’t know how old he is. Nobody keeps records of slaves’ birthdays. All the time he dreams about freedom, but that dream seems farther away than ever when he is torn from his family and put to work in a warehouse. Henry grows up and marries, but he is again devastated when his family is sold at the slave market. Then one day, as he lifts a crate at the warehouse, he knows exactly what he must do: He will mail himself to the North. After an arduous journey in the crate, Henry finally has a birthday — his first day of freedom.

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The Story of Ruby Bridges by Robert Coles

Best for: Grades 2-5

ISBN-10: 0439472261

ISBN-13: 978-0439472265

The year is 1960, and six-year-old Ruby Bridges and her family have recently moved from Mississippi to New Orleans in search of a better life. When a judge orders Ruby to attend first grade at William Frantz Elementary, an all-white school, Ruby must face angry mobs of parents who refuse to send their children to school with her.

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Stuart’s Cape by Sara Pennypacker

Best for: Grades 3-5

ISBN-10: 0439301815

ISBN-13: 978-0439301817

Stuart’s got problems. It’s raining. He’s bored. And worst of all, he’s new in town, so he’s got a lot to worry about. But what does a kid like Stuart need in order to have an adventure…and to stop worrying? A cape, of course! Sara Pennypacker’s story captures the daily dilemmas that every child must face. Her words are perfectly complimented by illustrator Martin Matje’s combination of weirdness and wit.

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The Wanderer by Sharon Creech

Best for: Grades 3-7

ISBN-10: 0064410323

ISBN-13: 978-0064410328

Thirteen-year-old Sophie hears the sea calling, promising adventure and a chance for discovery as she sets sail for England with her three uncles and two cousins. Sophie’s cousin Cody isn’t sure he has the strength to prove himself to the crew and to his father. Through Sophie’s and Cody’s travel logs, we hear stories of the past and the daily challenges of surviving at sea as The Wanderer sails toward its destination—and its passengers search for their places in the world.

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Number the Stars by Lois Lowry 

Best for: Grades 5-7

ISBN-10: 0547577095

ISBN-13: 978-0547577098

As the German troops begin their campaign to “relocate” all the Jews of Denmark, Annemarie Johansen’s family takes in Annemarie’s best friend, Ellen Rosen, and conceals her as part of the family. Through the eyes of ten-year-old Annemarie, we watch as the Danish Resistance smuggles almost the entire Jewish population of Denmark, nearly seven thousand people, across the sea to Sweden. The heroism of an entire nation reminds us that there was pride and human decency in the world even during a time of terror and war.

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Wringer by Jerry Spinelli 

Best for: Grades 6-8

ISBN-10: 0064405788

ISBN-13: 978-0064405782

Palmer LaRue is running out of birthdays. For as long as he can remember, he’s dreaded the day he turns ten — the day he’ll take his place beside all the other ten-year-old boys in town, the day he’ll be a wringer. But Palmer doesn’t want to be a wringer. It’s one of the first things he learned about himself and it’s one of the biggest things he has to hide. In Palmer’s town being a wringer is an honor, a tradition passed down from father to son. Palmer can’t stop himself from being a wringer just like he can’t stop himself from growing one year older, just like he can’t stand up to a whole town — right? Newbery Medal winner Jerry Spinelli’s most powerful novel yet is a gripping tale of how one boy learns how not to be afraid.

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From our guest contributor, Michele Borba. 

1. Confront Your Own Prejudices

The first step to nurturing tolerance is to examine your own prejudices and reflect on how you might be projecting those ideas to your child. Chances are that you are communicating those attitudes to your child.

You might begin by reflecting on your own childhood upbringing: What were some of your parents’ prejudices? Do any of those remain with you today?

Take time to reflect on how you might be projecting those old, outdated ideas to your child. Then make a conscious attempt to temper them so that they don’t become your child’s prejudices. Sometimes you might not even know you are tainting your children’s views.

2. Commit to Raising a Tolerant Child

Parents who think through how they want their kids to turn out usually succeed simply because they planned their parenting efforts. So if you really want your child to respect diversity, you must adopt a conviction early on to raise him to do so. Once your child knows your expectations, he will be more likely to embrace your principles.

Children who grow to become tolerant are generally raised in families where there are three conditions: strong parental love and warmth, consistent discipline and clear models of moral behavior. It’s when those needs are not met that prejudice develops.

3. Help Your Child Develop Identify and Pride in His Culture

The starting place to help children understand diversity is for them to look at their own ancestry.

The family is where children not only receive experience a sense of belonging but also acquire their primary language, their knowledge of their ethnicity, their spiritual or religious beliefs, and their values. It is through this membership that kids define their identity and develop pride in their cultural heritage.

Learning about their family background helps children connect with their past and develop an appreciation and respect for not only their own national and ethnic background but also for those of their friends and classmates.

So help your child understand his heritage and as well as begin to appreciate just how much the world is a melting pot of different customs and ideas.

4. Refuse to Allow Discriminatory Comments

When you hear prejudicial comments, verbalize your displeasure. How you respond sends a clear message to your child about your values:

“That’s disrespectful and I won’t allow such things to be said in my house,” or “That’s a biased comment, and I don’t want to hear it.”

Your child needs to hear your discomfort so that she knows you really walk your talk. It also models a response she should imitate if prejudicial comments are made in her presence.

5. Embrace Diversity

From a young age, expose your child to positive images-including toys, music, literature, videos, public role models, and examples from TV or newspaper reports-that represent a variety of ethnic groups. Encourage your child, no matter how young, to have contact with individuals of different races, religions, cultures, genders, abilities, and beliefs. The more your child sees how you embrace diversity, the more prone he’ll be to follow your standards.

6. Emphasize WE Not ME

Encourage your child to look for what he has in common with others instead of how he is different. A key is raising a tolerant, empathetic child is to stress: WE, not ME.

Any time your child points out how she is different from someone, you might say. “There are lots of ways you are different from other people. Now let’s try to think of ways you are the same.”

One fun way to foster tolerance in your child is to play as a family a simple game called “Alike and Different.” It begins by having family members form pairs. Tell each pair to think of five ways they are alike and five ways they are different. Answers can be written or drawn. “Alike” answers might be, for example, “We are African-American, Baptist, dark haired, brown eyed, sisters, and Williams family members.” “Different” answers could be, for example, “I like soccer, she likes tennis; I play saxophone, she plays violin; I am a fourth grader, she is a second grader; I am 4’5″, she is 4’2″.”

In a larger family, have each twosome report their findings back to the family. From then on, any time your child points out how she is different from someone, you might say. “Yes, there are lots of ways you are different from other people. Now let’s try to think of ways you are the same.”

7. Give Straightforward, Simple Answers to Questions About Differences

Kids are naturally curious, so you should expect questions about differences. Asking questions is one way for them to sort out how they are different or the same from others as well as to learn to feel comfortable with those differences.

8. Counter Discriminatory Beliefs

When you hear a child make a prejudicial comment, listen to find out why he feels the way he does. Then gently challenge his views and point out why they are incorrect. For example if your child says,

“Homeless people should get jobs and sleep in their own houses.” You might counter: “There are many reasons homeless people don’t work or have houses. They may be ill or can’t find jobs. Houses cost money, and not everyone can pay for one.”

9. Live Your Life as an Example of Tolerance

The best way for your child to learn tolerance is for him to watch and listen to your daily example. So ask yourself each day one critical question: “If my child had only my behavior to copy, would he be witnessing an example of what I want him to emulate?”

Make sure you are walking your talk.

10. Sensitivity, Empathy and Tolerance Must Be Nurtured

Hatred, bigotry, prejudice, and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance. Although it’s certainly never too late to begin, the sooner we start, the better the chance we have of preventing insidious, intolerant attitudes and behaviors from taking hold.

Remember: kids aren’t born hateful: prejudices are learned. While intolerance, insensitivity, and hatred can be learned, so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance.

If today’s children are to have any chance of living harmoniously in this global world, it is critical that parents and teachers nurture empathy and tolerance. They are the best, and over-looked antidote to racism, bullying and peer cruelty.

We must be the change for our children.

Dr. Michele BorbaMichele Borba is an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

Check out: micheleborba.com or follow me on Twitter @micheleborba.

Click here for more information on character education.

Ask students to look around them and memorize everything red that they can see. Give them about 15 seconds to complete this task. Then, ask students to close their eyes and shout out everything brown that is around them. Ask them to open their eyes. Why was it difficult to name the brown things around them? (Because they were focused on something else).

Ask students to memorize everything brown for another 15 seconds. Ask students to close their eyes and shout out the brown things around them. Why was it easier to name the brown things this time? (Because they were focused on the question/task at hand).

Energy follows focus. If we are focused on the right things at the right time, it is easier to direct our energy in that direction and be present. When we are focused on other tasks, it is hard to be present.

Next, discuss/acknowledge the distractions that are taking your focus away from where it should be this today, this week, this year, etc. Which of those obstacles are within your control, and which ones are outside your control? How will you direct your energy and focus on those things you can control? What rituals can help you control your focus and be present? Develop a plan to deal with these distractions and keep your focus on the things that you can control.

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You can show good citizenship by being a leader in your school or community. Leadership isn’t a job — it is an action. Everyone in your family can be a leader.

Basic concepts of citizenship:

• Do your share to make your school and community better
• Cooperate
• Get involved in community affairs
• Stay informed; vote
• Be a good neighbor
• Obey laws and rules; respect and authority

Teaching citizenship with T.E.A.M.

• Teach: Teach your child about being a leader using the tool below.
• Enforce: Praise your child when they are acting as a leader. Provide fair consequences when they do not respect rules.
• Advocate: Have a family plan to regularly protect and conserve resources. For example: recycle, plant trees, don’t litter.
• Model: Model how to keep up on current events by reading or watching the news, attending local meetings of importance, and talking about issues as a family.

Discussion starter

Ask your child what they think: how do you think our community or school could be better? What can you do to help?

Excellence with Integrity Tool: Leadership in Action

4 Steps to Being a Leader

1. Commit to a shared goal
2. Motivate others
3. Help others do their best
4. Convince other to join you and believe in your goal

Here’s what the Four Steps look like in action.

The Smith family has decided to spend Saturday cleaning up their local park. They can all be a leader in the project.

1. They all want the park to be clean, and they are dedicated to the project. (Committing to a shared goal)
2. When one member of the family gets tired, another reminds them of how great the park will look when they are done. (Motivate others)
3. If a member of the family is having trouble with their task, another can give them help or teach them how to do it. (Help others do their best)
4. The project goes by quickly because each member of the family brought a friend to help clean the park. (Convince others to join you and believe in your goal.)

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Bullying can be a tough topic to tackle. Here are a few books that help address bullying and can help start a conversation about how to handle bullies in any situation. Stay tuned for next month’s book list!

The Juice Box Bully by Maria Dismondy and Bob Sorenson 

Best for: Grades Pre-K-2

ISBN-10: 1933916729

ISBN-13: 978-1933916729

Have you ever seen a bully in action and done nothing about it? The kids at Pete’s new school get involved, instead of being bystanders. When Pete begins to behave badly, his classmates teach him about “The Promise”. Will Pete decide to shed his bullying habits and make “The Promise”?

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Don’t Sit On my Lunch by Abby Klein

Best for: Grades Pre-K-3

ISBN-10: 0439556023

ISBN-13: 978-0439556026

Bullies are a problem in school, and Max Sellars is the worst one yet. In addition to hassling Freddy, Max also challenges him for the open spot on the peewee hockey team. In a warm and funny ending, Max and Freddy make peace with one another, and — in a surprising twist — end up becoming teammates.

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The Recess Queen by Alexis O’Neill 

Best for: Grades Pre-K-3

ISBN-10: 0439206375

ISBN-13: 978-0439206372

With her irrepressible spirit, the new girl dethrones the reigning recess bully by becoming her friend in this infectious playground romp.

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Thank You, Mr. Falker by Patricia Polacco

Best for: Grades 2-4

ISBN-10: 0399257624

ISBN-13: 978-0399257629

In this autobiographical story, Little Trisha, overjoyed at the thought of learning how to read struggles when she finds that all the letters and numbers get jumbled up. Her classmates make matters worse by calling her dummy. Finally, in fifth grade, she is lucky enough to have a teacher who recognizes Trisha’s incredible artistic ability — and understands her problem, and takes the time to lead her to the magic of reading.

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The Hundred Dresses by Eleanor Estes 

Best for: Grades 3-5

ISBN-10: 0152052607

ISBN-13:978-0152052607

In this Newbery Honor Book, Wanda Petronski is a Polish girl in a Connecticut school who is ridiculed by her classmates for wearing the same faded blue dress every day. Wanda claims she has one hundred dresses at home, but everyone knows she doesn’t and bullies her mercilessly. The class feels terrible when Wanda is pulled out of the school, but by that time it’s too late. Maddie, one of Wanda’s classmates, ultimately decides that she isn’t going to stand by and say nothing again.

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Freak The Mighty by Rodman Philbrick 

Best for: Grades 3-7

ISBN-10: 0439286069

ISBN-13: 978-0439286060

A brilliant, emotionally charged novel about two boys. One is a slow learner, too large for his age, and the other is a tiny, disabled genius. The two pair up to create one formidable human force known as “Freak the Mighty”.

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Eighth-Grade Superhero by Olugbemisolaj Rhuday-Perkovich

Best for: Grades 5-9

ISBN-10: 0545097258

ISBN-13: 978-0545097253

Ever since a deeply unfortunate incident earlier this year, Reggie’s been known as “Pukey” McKnight at his high-intensity Brooklyn middle school. He wants to turn his image around, but he has other things on his mind as well. The elections for school president are coming up, but with his notorious nickname and “nothing” social status, Reggie wouldn’t stand a chance, if he even had the courage to run. Then Reggie gets involved with a local homeless shelter. Haunted by two of the clients there — George, a once-proud man who shares his interest in comic books, and Charlie, a six-year-old kid — he begins to think about making a difference, both in the world and at school. Pukey for President? It can happen…if he starts believing.

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The Bully by Paul Langan

Best for: Grades 7-9

ISBN-10: 1897039085

ISBN-13: 978-1897039083

A new life. An new school. A new bully. That’s what Darrell Mercer faces when he and his mother move from Philadelphia to California. After spending months living in fear, Darrell is faced with a big decision: He can keep running from this bully, or find a way to fight back.

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Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

Best for: Grades 9-12

ISBN-10: 0062317601

ISBN-13: 978-0062317605

Everyone knows Bone Gap is full of gaps — gaps to trip you up, gaps to slide through so you can disappear forever. So when young, beautiful Roza went missing, the people of Bone Gap weren’t surprised. After all, it wasn’t the first time that someone had slipped away and left Finn and Sean O’Sullivan on their own.That’s just how things go, the people said. Who are you going to blame?

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Click here to learn more about character education.

Kids can often complain that things “aren’t fair” when things don’t work out as they want. One way to help teach fairness is to promote compromise.

Compromise is creating a “win-win” situation and finding a balance between the different needs of individuals. Compromise is essentially an “I want, you want, we could” process.

Depending on their age and/or maturity, some children will find compromise difficult. You may need to help them work through the issue. Keep in mind that you aren’t just helping them get through the current disagreement, but teaching them a strategy for fairness that they will be able to use throughout their lives.

Basic concept of fairness:

• Play by the rules
• Take turns and share
• Be open-minded; listen to others
• Don’t take advantage of others
• Don’t blame others carelessly

Teaching fairness with T.E.A.M.

• Teach: Talk to your child about compromise using the tool below.
• Enforce: Consistently apply rules. Make expectations clear and predictable.
• Advocate: Involve children in developing rules they are to follow.
• Model: Be a good role model by compromising and being open-minded.

Discussion starter
Ask your child what they think: can you think of a time when you thought something wasn’t fair? Could a compromise have helped the situation?

Excellence with Integrity Tool: I Want, You Want, We Could

Step 1: Communicate so your needs are understood.

• I want…

Step 2: Be creative to find a compromise.

• We could…

Step 3: Communicate so you understand the needs of others.

• You want…

Example:

Person 1: “I want to go to the movies.”

Person 2: “I want to stay home and read a book.”

Person 1: “You want to stay home and read. I want to go to the movies. We could stay home today and go to the movies on Saturday.”

Want to learn more? Check out our Family’s Guide to Teaching Good Character

Click here to learn more about character education.