I don’t have enough time. I can’t afford to right now. It’s not convenient for me. It’s too hard. It doesn’t fit in my schedule. Do these phrases sound familiar? Have you used some of them yourself?

We have the tendency to put off performing acts of kindness for a variety of reasons. They might even be the phrases stated above. However, while we are waiting for the perfect time or for ideal circumstances we are missing countless opportunities. Never underestimate the power even the smallest act of kindness can have.

Mark Bezos is a volunteer firefighter in New York City. During a TED Talk, Bezos referred to a thank-you letter that was mailed to the fire department after a house fire incident. The woman who sent the letter thanked the department for all of their help and for their bravery. Yet the thing she remembered most from that night? How Bezos had gone into the burning house to retrieve a pair of shoes for the barefoot woman standing outside in the pouring rain while the firefighters helped extinguish her house. Bezos concluded the TED Talk with a simple statement. “Don’t wait…if you have something to give, give it now.”

No act of kindness is too small. While we may not all have the opportunity to retrieve a pair of shoes from a burning house, we are capable of other acts of kindness. For example, take a moment to smile at the barista who makes your coffee in the morning. Slow down long enough to hold open the door for the person behind you. Wave at your neighbor when you go to check the mailbox. You don’t have to wait until you’re successful or until you have money in order to show someone else kindness.

Want to see the full TED Talk featuring Bezos? Check it out here!

Learn more about character education.

People with courage possess ten shared characteristics. They should remain as guideposts in your journey through life:

• Self-confidence. Courageous people believe in themselves. They know who they are and what they stand for.
• Conviction. You always know where courageous people stand. They’re passionate about their beliefs and values and have consistent and predictable behavior.
• Integrity. Courageous people know the difference between right and wrong. They don’t just talk about honor; they live it every day by following the letter, as well as the spirit, of the law. They are trustworthy, objective, fair, and tolerant, and they stand up against injustice — backing their words with action.
• Leadership. Courageous people aren’t deterred by adversity or afraid of what people may think of them.
• Compassion. Courageous people put other people’s needs ahead of their own.
• Objectivity. Courageous people believe that people are willing to make tough decisions if the options are presented to them in an open, honest, and objective manner.
• Strength in adversity. Courageous people aren’t afraid of swimming against the tide or challenging the status quo. They stare adversity in the eye — running toward the problem rather than away from it.
• Change masters. Courageous people step outside their comfort zone to meet the challenges that lie ahead.
• Embrace the unknown. Courageous people follow their intuition. If information required to make a good decision isn’t available, they follow their instincts.
• Action. Courageous people put their money where their mouth is. They know that it’s not enough to talk about doing something — instead, they act.

Frank is an award-winning author. He has written six books and over 300 articles. Frank was recently named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and one of America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts. Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Additionally, FrankSonnenbergOnline was named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs,” among the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs,” and one of the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.” Frank’s new book, BookSmart: Hundreds of real-world lessons for success and happiness was released November 2016. © 2017 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

From our guest contributor, Michele Borba.

If you’re like most parents, you probably shower your kids with praise.

After all, isn’t our encouragement the secret sauce to boosting our kids’ success and happiness? What could be more affirming than telling your child, “Good job!” “I’m proud of you” or “You are smart!”

Well, as it turns out, these type of encouraging messages may not be so helpful as we think.

According to research, wrongly worded praise can reduce children’s desires to take on challenges, lower achievement, reduce motivation and even make kids more interested in tearing others down.

The right kind of praise still has a powerful, proven influence on children’s development. A correctly delivered message can be motivating for a child, help build character, boost empathy and contribute to resilience.

So here are six new rules of praising that align with what science says are the best ways to encourage kids:

Rule 1: Temper your “oohs” and “ahh”

Too much praise also makes kids “praise-dependent,” so that they crave more accolades to get a task done. In addition, research finds that students lavished with praise are less confident in their answers, less persistent in difficult assignments and less willing to share their ideas.

If your child keeps asking, “Aren’t you going to say, ‘Good job?’” it may be time to take your accolades down a notch. Try replacing over-abundant praise with brief, praise-free comments like, “You finished the math assignment alone.” Or just state what you see: “You rode your bike all by yourself.” Those words help kids take pride in their accomplishments without needing our high fives.

Rule 2: Focus on character

Want your child to be kinder and more respectful? One ingenious experiment with 7 to 10-year-olds found that praising children’s character, rather than their behavior, helped them see themselves as kindhearted and helping. Character-praised kids were also more likely to be generous with others. How kids view themselves is how they act.

Rule 3: Stress effort, not intelligence

Whether your kid is doing math, practicing violin or working on her karate chops, stress effort – not intelligence or the end product, such as her grade or score. Don’t say, “You’re so smart!” Do say, “You’re working so hard!” or “You’re improving because you’re putting in all that effort.

Rule 4: Use nouns, not verbs

Researchers at the University of San Diego did experiments with 3- to 6-year-olds to see if a subtle change in grammar could make a difference in their behavior. In one experiment, helping was referred to with a verb: “Some children choose to help.” In the other, helping was referred to as a noun: “Some children choose to be helpers.” Kids invited to “be helpers” were far more likely to help than kids who were given an opportunity “to help.” So if you want your child to see himself as a caring person, use nouns. Even a simple grammatical switch in how we praise can affect our children’s behavior.

Rule 5: Model it

Digging deeper in the archives, a British study conducted in the 1970s had 140 school-age children receive tokens for winning a game. They were then were told they could either keep or donate their winnings to kids living in poverty. But before deciding, the students watched their teacher decide what she would do with her tokens. When the adult told students to donate the tokens but kept them herself, the children were less likely to be generous. When she lectured the kids on the value of giving and then donated her tokens, children were generous at first, but there was little impact on their future generosity. But when she cut the lecture and simply donated all her tokens (as they watched), the children donated their own tokens and were generous in later opportunities.

Rule 6: Praise inner qualities

Giving tween-aged kids well-deserved compliments that focused on their inner qualities, such as telling them that they’re “kind,” “helpful” or “fun,” instead of focusing on what they wore or owned, reduced their materialistic tendencies and built healthier self-esteem. So make sure to focus your praise on your child’s inner qualities.

Dr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

Check out: micheleborba.com or follow her on Twitter @micheleborba.

Learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor, Michael Josephson. 

When Leon was 14, his father asked him to return a shopping cart in a grocery store parking lot.  Leon was annoyed. “C’mon, Dad,” he said, “No one returns their carts anymore. That’s why they hire people to collect them. If everyone returned their shopping carts some people would lose their jobs.”

His dad, weary of always fighting with Leon, was about to give in when he saw an elderly couple walking together to return their cart. Finally, he said firmly, “Son, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who return their shopping carts and those who don’t. We are the kind who do.  Now, please go return the cart.”

Leon, now a father himself, remembered this story when was arguing with his 15-year-old daughter who protested that it was unfair that she had to give up her Saturday to visit her Aunt Susie who recently had a baby.  “Why do I have to go?”

Like his father years before, Leon was tempted to surrender, but instead he said “Because they are family and that’s what families do.”

What do you think?

Is there any virtue in being “the kind of people who return shopping carts” or who visit family even when it’s inconvenient or are these just examples of adults abusing their authority to order kids around?

Anne Frank was only 13 when she wrote, “The formation of our character lies in our own hands.”  She realized that character is both shaped and revealed by our choices. And our choices are determined by our values – what we believe is important.

Every day, we face choices between what we want to do and what we should do. Being consistently kind and considerate, honest and responsible, treating everyone with respect – even trying to be fair — is not easy and very few people are all those things all the time.

The challenge is to be the best person you can be and even small things like returning shopping carts and visiting relatives can help you form the habits and gain the reputation of a good person.

Only you can decide whether it’s worth it.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Michael Josephson is an influential and internationally renowned champion of character education for youth and ethical conduct in business, government, policing, journalism, sports, healthcare and law. He is credited by many as the person most responsible for reviving and professionalizing the character education in school and youth-serving organizations. In 1992, under the auspices of the Josephson Institute he created CHARACTER COUNTS!, the world’s most widely implemented character development initiative based on a common language of shared values – the Six Pillars of Character) and Pursuing Victory With Honor (1996), a companion program promoting ethics in sports.

Learn more about character education.