Learning through life

@TheRayCenter #CharacterCounts
From our guest contributor, Frank Sonnenberg.

Learning requires more than attending lectures and regurgitating what you’ve heard. It requires you to be both teacher and student, to learn from books and personal experiences, and to be able to apply lessons learned to real-world situations. Here are a few ways to learn:

Act like a kid. When we’re young, we continually ask “why?” When we get older, however, we get defensive and feel inadequate if we don’t have all the answers. It’s time to learn like a kid again.

Broaden your world. Surrounding yourself with “yes” people is like talking to yourself. Listen to people with viewpoints other than your own. Try to see their side of the issue instead of living your life with blinders on.

Break out of the rut. Everyone likes routines. Learn by breaking them. Cover the same ground from different angles. Take a new route. Speak to new people. Get information from different sources.

Request feedback. Are you getting ready for a presentation or an interview? Don’t be shy . . . request feedback from a colleague. Most people would be honored to help you. Remember, it’s a lot better to learn in a non-threatening environment than when it’s “game time.”

Learn from mistakes. Do you have twenty years of experience or one year of experience repeated twenty times? If you’re blind to your weaknesses, you may be repeating mistakes rather than correcting them. Remember, practice makes perfect — unless you’re making the same mistakes over and over again.

Critique your actions. Football teams spend countless hours watching game footage to determine how to improve individual performance and build a winning team. Take the time to reflect on your experiences and learn from them. For example, ask yourself, if you had the opportunity to perform an activity again, how would you do it differently?

Increase your expectations. If you want to become a better tennis player, play with someone better than yourself. The same is true in other areas of your life. You’re not going to improve if you don’t accept challenges and learn from them. Step out of your comfort zone to “up” your game.

Success is a journey, not a destination. Winning is not a black-and-white experience in which losers explore ways to improve and winners receive a bye. Even winners should identify ways to improve on their performance.

Google-photo_franksonnenberg

Frank is an award-winning author. He has written five books and over 300 articles. Frank was recently named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and nominated as one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Additionally, FrankSonnenbergOnline was named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs” and among the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs.” Frank’s new book, Follow Your Conscience, was released November 2014. © 2016 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

Click here to learn more about character education.




Everyday leadership

@TheRayCenter #CharacterCounts

Think of a “lollipop moment” in your life in which someone impacted the course of your life. Have you told that person how they impacted you? If not, write them, call them, or text them to let them know how they changed your life for the better. Watch the following Ted Talk on Everyday Leadership.

For more information on how to be a good leader, click here.

Click here to learn more about character education.




Teaching citizenship

@TheRayCenter #CharacterCounts

You can show good citizenship by being a leader in your school or community. Leadership isn’t a job — it is an action. Everyone in your family can be a leader.

Basic concepts of citizenship:

  • Do your share to make your school and community better
  • Cooperate
  • Get involved in community affairs
  • Stay informed; vote
  • Be a good neighbor
  • Obey laws and rules; respect and authority

Teaching citizenship with T.E.A.M.

  • Teach: Teach your child about being a leader using the tool below.
  • Enforce: Praise your child when they are acting as a leader. Provide fair consequences when they do not respect rules.
  • Advocate: Have a family plan to regularly protect and conserve resources. For example: recycle, plant trees, don’t litter.
  • Model: Model how to keep up on current events by reading or watching the news, attending local meetings of importance, and talking about issues as a family.

Discussion starter

Ask your child what they think: how do you think our community or school could be better? What can you do to help?

Excellence with Integrity Tool: Leadership in Action

4 Steps to Being a Leader

  1. Commit to a shared goal
  2. Motivate others
  3. Help others do their best
  4. Convince other to join you and believe in your goal

Here’s what the Four Steps look like in action.

The Smith family has decided to spend Saturday cleaning up their local park. They can all be a leader in the project.

  1. They all want the park to be clean, and they are dedicated to the project. (Committing to a shared goal)
  2. When one member of the family gets tired, another reminds them of how great the park will look when they are done. (Motivate others)
  3. If a member of the family is having trouble with their task, another can give them help or teach them how to do it. (Help others do their best)
  4. The project goes by quickly because each member of the family brought a friend to help clean the park. (Convince others to join you and believe in your goal.)

Click here to learn more about character education.




We’re asking for civility during the presidential debates

As election day approaches, Show Some Respect will focus on providing tips to help us all be more civil – like 6 Tips to Showing Respect During Election Season.

Additionally, The Ray Center and Show Some Respect are honored to join the Institute for Civil Discourse in calling on the presidential debate moderators to adopt a set of Debate Standards designed to ensure that the 2016 Presidential Debates are fair, informative, and civil.

More than 60 organizations signed on to the debate standards, which include guidelines for moderators, the audience, and the candidates themselves.

This election is the most uncivil in recent memory, and Americans agree. According to recent polling, 69 percent of Americans agree that civility has decreased in the last few years, and 2 out of 3 voters say the 2016 campaign is less civil than other elections.

Standards of Conduct for Debates

 I want debaters to:

  1. Be respectful of others in speech and behavior
  2. Answer the question being asked by the moderator
  3. Make ideas and feelings known without disrespecting others
  4. Take responsibility for past and present behavior, speech and actions
  5. Stand against incivility when faced with it

I want moderators to:

  1. Address uncivil behavior by naming it and moderating the conversation to move toward a more respectful dialogue
  2. Enforce debate rules equally
  3. Hold candidates accountable by challenging each candidate to speak the truth and act with integrity
  4. Treat all candidates equally in regards to the complexity of questions and debate rules
  5. Be respectful when interacting with candidates

I want audience members to:

  1. Be respectful of other audience members, the candidates and moderators in speech and behavior
  2. Refrain from creating disturbances to other audience members, candidates and moderators
  3. Take responsibility for personal behavior, speech and actions
  4. Speak against incivility by reminding candidates it is not acceptable
  5. Practice active listening when someone else is speaking, seeking to understand them

These Standards of Conduct for Debates provide a framework through which we can model and revive the spirit of civility. The standards are for all candidates for public office, (including local, regional, state and national candidates), for moderators and for the audience. From our local school boards to our presidential nominees, these standards help explain the manner and respect that we all should abide by – even if and when we disagree.

Join us in telling debaters, audiences, and moderators to uphold these standards, and in agreeing to utilize the citizen standards in your everyday interactions.  

#ShowSomeRespect  #ReviveCivility  #CharacterCounts

Click here to learn more about character education.




Books that talk about bullying

Bullying can be a tough topic to tackle. Here are a few books that help address bullying and can help start a conversation about how to handle bullies in any situation. Stay tuned for next month’s book list!

The Juice Box Bully by Maria Dismondy and Bob Sorenson dismondy:sornson

Best for: Grades Pre-K-2

ISBN-10: 1933916729

ISBN-13: 978-1933916729

Have you ever seen a bully in action and done nothing about it? The kids at Pete’s new school get involved, instead of being bystanders. When Pete begins to behave badly, his classmates teach him about “The Promise”. Will Pete decide to shed his bullying habits and make “The Promise”?

View on Amazon

Don’t Sit On my Lunch by Abby Kleinklein 2

Best for: Grades Pre-K-3

ISBN-10: 0439556023

ISBN-13: 978-0439556026

Bullies are a problem in school, and Max Sellars is the worst one yet. In addition to hassling Freddy, Max also challenges him for the open spot on the peewee hockey team. In a warm and funny ending, Max and Freddy make peace with one another, and — in a surprising twist — end up becoming teammates.

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic

The Recess Queen by Alexis O’Neill o'neill 2

Best for: Grades Pre-K-3

ISBN-10: 0439206375

ISBN-13: 978-0439206372

With her irrepressible spirit, the new girl dethrones the reigning recess bully by becoming her friend in this infectious playground romp.

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic

Thank You, Mr. Falker by Patricia Polaccopolacco!

Best for: Grades 2-4

ISBN-10: 0399257624

ISBN-13: 978-0399257629

In this autobiographical story, Little Trisha, overjoyed at the thought of learning how to read struggles when she finds that all the letters and numbers get jumbled up. Her classmates make matters worse by calling her dummy. Finally, in fifth grade, she is lucky enough to have a teacher who recognizes Trisha’s incredible artistic ability — and understands her problem, and takes the time to lead her to the magic of reading.

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic

The Hundred Dresses by Eleanor Estes estes

Best for: Grades 3-5

ISBN-10: 0152052607

ISBN-13:978-0152052607

In this Newbery Honor Book, Wanda Petronski is a Polish girl in a Connecticut school who is ridiculed by her classmates for wearing the same faded blue dress every day. Wanda claims she has one hundred dresses at home, but everyone knows she doesn’t and bullies her mercilessly. The class feels terrible when Wanda is pulled out of the school, but by that time it’s too late. Maddie, one of Wanda’s classmates, ultimately decides that she isn’t going to stand by and say nothing again.

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic

Freak The Mighty by Rodman Philbrick philbrick

Best for: Grades 3-7

ISBN-10: 0439286069

ISBN-13: 978-0439286060

A brilliant, emotionally charged novel about two boys. One is a slow learner, too large for his age, and the other is a tiny, disabled genius. The two pair up to create one formidable human force known as “Freak the Mighty”.

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic 

Eighth-Grade Superhero by Olugbemisolaj Rhuday-Perkovicho.r.p

Best for: Grades 5-9

ISBN-10: 0545097258

ISBN-13: 978-0545097253

Ever since a deeply unfortunate incident earlier this year, Reggie’s been known as “Pukey” McKnight at his high-intensity Brooklyn middle school. He wants to turn his image around, but he has other things on his mind as well. The elections for school president are coming up, but with his notorious nickname and “nothing” social status, Reggie wouldn’t stand a chance, if he even had the courage to run. Then Reggie gets involved with a local homeless shelter. Haunted by two of the clients there — George, a once-proud man who shares his interest in comic books, and Charlie, a six-year-old kid — he begins to think about making a difference, both in the world and at school. Pukey for President? It can happen…if he starts believing.

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic

The Bully by Paul Langanlangan

Best for: Grades 7-9

ISBN-10: 1897039085

ISBN-13: 978-1897039083

A new life. An new school. A new bully. That’s what Darrell Mercer faces when he and his mother move from Philadelphia to California. After spending months living in fear, Darrell is faced with a big decision: He can keep running from this bully, or find a way to fight back.

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic

Bone Gap by Laura Rubyruby

Best for: Grades 9-12

ISBN-10: 0062317601

ISBN-13: 978-0062317605

Everyone knows Bone Gap is full of gaps — gaps to trip you up, gaps to slide through so you can disappear forever. So when young, beautiful Roza went missing, the people of Bone Gap weren’t surprised. After all, it wasn’t the first time that someone had slipped away and left Finn and Sean O’Sullivan on their own.That’s just how things go, the people said. Who are you going to blame?

View on Amazon          View on Scholastic

Click here to learn more about character education.




Redefining competition

@TheRayCenter #CharacterCounts

“Go Hawks, Beat State!” and its counterpart will be oft-uttered phrases when the two teams compete throughout the year. The purpose of competition, it is oft-believed, is beating our opponent and hopefully by a wide point margin. Our value as individuals, and the value of our team, is derived from the result of competition. Coach Joe Ehrmann, however, offers another definition of competition below.

“The root word of ‘competition’ is the Latin word ‘petere’ meaning to search or strive for. Most often it is used in the context of striving or searching for something of value or excellence. The preposition ‘com’ means together. So, literally, competition can be defined as a ‘mutual quest or striving for excellence.’ It is more process oriented than outcome oriented, whereby competitors strive together or with each other to bring out the best by presenting a worthy challenge.”

“Competition, therefore, is not defined by winning or losing, but by the degree to which all competitors realize their fullest potential. Since true competition is a ‘mutual quest for excellence,’ there are no winners and losers; everyone who competes wins. This cooperative sense of competition is a value-driven process that leads to respect for others, personal and team integrity, and justice and fairness.” -Joe Ehrmann, InSideOut Coaching: How Sports can Transform Lives, pg. 213

After reading Coach Hermann’s definition, think about the best games you have ever watched. What made those games great? Were most of the games blowouts or examples of two teams playing to their highest potential? Would you rather your team beat a good opponent in a competitive game or blowout an underdog?

Be proud to be a Hawkeye or Cyclone and cheer loud for your team. Always remember excellence can only be reached when both teams maximize their potential. Cheer for your team, not against the other.

Click here to learn more about character education.




How to raise an un-entitled kid

@TheRayCenter #CharacterCounts

From our guest contributor, Michele Borba.

Truth be known: I am a huge Amy McCready fan. I love her common-sense approach to parenting, and her sage, practical advice. I devoured (and recommended) her last book, If I Have to Tell You One More Time), and bookmark her blog, Positive Parenting Solutions. But her latest book, The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic: A Step-By-Step Guide to Raising Capable Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World has my vote for the “Must-Read Parenting Book of the Year.”

McCready’s latest book is not only timely, but also well-researched and useable. As the cover states, “In today’s, 24/7, overstimulated, overindulged, can’t-get-enough culture, even the best parents struggle to find the energy to say no to their kids-when they need to hear it most.” Amy offers proven and practical strategies that will empower our kids (and us) without indulging them. And if we stay that course, the result will be reaping exactly what we hope: kids who are compassionate, considerate, and can focus on others and not just on “me, me, me.”

Here are just a few tips McCready offers in The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic:

To boost empathy:
Turn on the TV and tune down the volume. Try to guess what each character is thinking or talking about. (p. 297)

Use current events to jump-start empathy building conversations. After watching news reports about devastating wildfires, ask: “What do you think those families are worried about? What do you think they’ll miss most about their homes?” (p. 297)

To boost gratitude:
Make gratitude rituals. Express thanks and gratitude for at least one thing during before-bed prayers. Or share a positive thought about your day at dinner or bedtime. (p. 288)

Start a gratitude journal. Keep a gratitude journal or gratitude jar as a family. Read old gratitude’s monthly or yearly. (p. 288)

To boost optimism:
Model your own silver linings. Verbalize your thoughts so your kids overhear them. “This is quite a traffic jam. I’m just glad we have an air-conditioned car to wait in.” (p. 289)

Help your kids find silver linings. When your nine-year-old’s pet gets loose, ask “What’s the silver lining here?” Child: “I’m grateful it’s summer, so at least if he escapes in the house, he’ll be okay.” (p. 289)

To boost charity:
Institute a one-in-one-out policy. Every time your child brings home a new toy or article of clothing, encourage her to donate another. (p. 290)

Make it real. Let your child see for themselves what it’s like for real people who overcome challenges or make do with less. (p. 290)

There are dozens of powerful ideas throughout the book that you can instantly use with children. But The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic also offers 35 easy-to-implement tools that will help us set limits with consequences and cultivate responsible behaviors.

Whether you have a toddler or a teen, McCready shows us how to cleanse our homes of the entitlement epidemic so we do raise confident, resilient, successful children. The book is a gem, and I urge you to seek it out.

Thank you, Amy for writing a manual that will help our children become good and caring human beings.

Michele Borba

Dr. Michele BorbaMichele Borba is an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

Check out: micheleborba.com or follow me on Twitter @micheleborba.

Click here to learn more about character education.