From our guest contributor, Frank Sonnenberg

Some people measure success by the wealth they’ve accumulated, the power they’ve attained, or the status they’ve achieved. Yet, even though they’ve reached success beyond their wildest dreams, they still have an empty feeling — something is missing from their life. In order to fill that void and be completely fulfilled in life, their soul may be searching for something more.

Although everyone is different, there are common threads that bind a life with purpose.

1. Live by your beliefs and values. People who live a life of purpose have core beliefs and values that influence their decisions, shape their day-to-day actions, and determine their short- and long-term priorities. They place significant value on being a person of high integrity and in earning the trust and respect of others. The result is that they live with a clear conscience and spend more time listening to their inner voice than being influenced by others.

2. Set priorities. People who live a life of purpose identify those activities that matter most to them and spend the majority of their time and effort in those areas. Otherwise, it’s too easy to drift away in the currents of life. As Annie Dillard, the author, once said, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

3. Follow your passion. People who live a life of purpose wake up each morning eager to face the new day. They pursue their dreams with fervor, put their heart into everything they do, and feel that they’re personally making a difference. As James Dean, the actor, once said, “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.”

4. Achieve balance. People who live a life of purpose put their heart into their career and into building relationships with friends and family. They also reserve adequate time to satisfy their personal needs. Achieving balance means living up to one’s potential in all facets of life.

5. Feel content. People who live a life of purpose have an inner peace. They’re satisfied with what they have and who they are. To them, the grass is greener on their own side of the fence. As the saying goes, “The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.”

6. Make a difference. People who live a life of purpose make a meaningful difference in someone else’s life. They do things for others without expectation of personal gain, serve as exemplary role models, and gain as much satisfaction witnessing the success of others as witnessing their own. As the old proverb says, “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.”

7. Live in the moment. People who live a life of purpose cherish every moment and seek to live life without regret. They take joy in the experiences that life gives and don’t worry about keeping score. Dr. Seuss may have said it best, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Frank is an award-winning author. He has written five books and over 300 articles. Frank was recently named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and nominated as one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Additionally, FrankSonnenbergOnline was named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs” and among the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs.” Frank’s new book, Follow Your Conscience, was released November 2014. © 2016 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

Click here to learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor, Frank Sonnenberg.

It’s not always easy to admit a mistake, persevere during tough times, or follow through on every promise made. It’s not always comfortable to convey the hard truth or stand up for your beliefs. In the short term, it may not be beneficial to do right by your customers, to put people before profits, or to distance yourself from a questionable relationship. BUT, in the long run, doing the right thing is the clear path to both success and happiness.

1. Achieve peace of mind. People with character sleep well at night. They take great pride in knowing that their intentions and actions are honorable. People with character also stay true to their beliefs, do right by others, and always take the high ground. (So refreshing.)
2.  Strengthen trust. People with character enjoy meaningful relationships based on openness, honesty, and mutual respect. When you have good moral character, people know that your behavior is reliable, your heart is in the right place, and your word is good as gold.
3. Build a solid reputation. People with character command a rock-solid reputation. This helps them attract exciting opportunities “like a magnet.”
4. Reduce anxiety. People with character carry less baggage. They’re comfortable within their own skin, and they accept responsibility for their actions. They never have to play games, waste precious time keeping their stories straight, or invent excuses to cover their behind.
5. Increase leadership effectiveness. Leaders with character are highly effective. They have no need to pull rank or resort to command and control to get results. Instead, they’re effective because they’re knowledgeable, admired, trusted, and respected. This helps them secure buy-in automatically, without requiring egregious rules or strong oversight designed to force compliance.
6. Build confidence. People with character don’t worry about embarrassment if their actions are publicly disclosed. This alleviates the need for damage control or the fear of potential disgrace as a result of indiscretions.
7. Become a positive role model. People with character set the standard for excellence. They live their life as an open book, teaching others important life lessons through their words and their deeds.
8. Live a purpose-driven life. People with character live a life they can be proud of. They’re driven to make a difference and to do right by others rather than trying to impress others with extravagance. (Sounds like a wonderful legacy to me.)
9. Build a strong business. Doing the right thing is good business. Everything else being equal, talented people would rather work for –– and customers would rather buy from companies that do right by their people, customers, and communities. While unprincipled business tactics may provide short-term results, it’s NOT a long-term strategy.

Frank is an award-winning author. He has written five books and over 300 articles. Frank was recently named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and nominated as one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Additionally, FrankSonnenbergOnline was named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs” and among the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs.” Frank’s new book, Follow Your Conscience, was released November 2014. © 2016 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

Click here to learn more about character education.

A 10-minute lesson for grades 2-12 (at home or school)

It’s March Madness!  Sixty-eight men’s and women’s teams enter their respective tournament and only one is crowned champion.  Can only one team be “successful?”  Are all the other teams failures?

Everyone wants to be successful, but how we define and measure success can be troublesome.  Often, people define success in ways that they cannot control.  It’s entirely possible that the team that loses in the championship game played to its absolute best and simply lost to a better team.  In that instance, if we define success as winning, then success was beyond their control.  Perhaps the officials made a poor call that gave the opposing team free throws to win the game – again, “success” was beyond their control.

So how should we define success?  John Wooden offers this definition:  “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”

School Activity
Ask students to brainstorm how they define success.  Put their ideas on the board.  Discuss each definition of success, and the instances in which success is defined in a way as to be out of their control.  Discuss why it is problematic to define success in ways that we cannot control.  What is a good definition of success?  How can students hold themselves accountable to doing their best “to become the best you are capable of becoming?”

Home Activity
Have a family discussion about success.  As each family member to share how they define success.  Discuss each definition of success, and the instances in which success is defined in a way as to be out of their control.  Discuss why it is problematic to define success in ways that we cannot control.  What is a good definition of success?  How can each family member hold themselves accountable to doing their best “to become the best you are capable of becoming?”

Click here to learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor, Michele Borba.

Let’s face it, sometimes is it’s just easier to put chores low on the priority list. There’s so much more to do, right? But there’s compelling reason why you should get your kids to roll up their sleeves and get involved. Research shows just how important it is to involve our kids in those household chores. Those household tasks such as making your bed, taking out the trash, setting the table, raking leaves actually help kids learn crucial skills they need to take care of themselves, develop responsibility, empathy, cooperation and self-reliance, as well as become better-adjusted young adults.

So get those kids off the couch and let the chores begin! Here are the three steps to help kids learn to pitch in and do chores…without bickering!

STEP 1. Use the Right Strategies to Boost Chore Success

• Start early: The earlier you expect your kids to take an active role  helping around the house, the easier you’ll find it is to get them to lend a hand. Even kids as young as three years old can help out. Though it’s never too late for basic training, it’s sure easier to begin earlier.

• Announce expectations: If you want your kid to be helpful and a contributing family member, then just plain expect him to help out and willingly lend a hand. Hold a family meeting and announce your new expectations. Expect groans and moans. So be it!

• Specify assignments:  There are many ways to assign chores, so find the solution that works for your family and then stick to it. Each week hold a brief meeting to review assignments. Here are different approaches to chore assignments:
  • Assign three simple daily chores and one more time consuming weekly chore
  • Assign one easier chore (emptying trash) and one harder one (washing dishes)
  • Your child is responsible for her personal possessions (clothing, toys, bedroom) and one household duty as a contributing family member
  • Your child chooses one chore he enjoys; you assign the other task
  • Your child chooses the one task she would like to learn to do that week

• Decide if you’ll give an allowances and chores:  As to the “pay or not pay” concept for doing chores: I’ve dramatically changed my views. I used to pay my kids for doing their chores as part of a weekly allowance. After reviewing a lot of the new research (I just did a TODAY show segment on this one last week), I say chores and allowances should be not tied together. Use your own judgment.But the latest view–and mine–is that kids should be given a weekly allowance to learn money management skills and stick to a budget. Kids also should be just expected to do chores and lend a hand in the house without pay. They need to realize they are part of a home and that cooperating and helping out is just something you all do together. Wherever you fit on the “allowance philosophy,” do be consistent.

• Set deadlines:  Chores should have specific time limits (“by bedtime” or “before Saturday”)  instead of saying they must be done immediately. Special situations birthdays, illnesses, or an important upcoming test deserve a reprieve.

• Make chores matter:  Give jobs where kids can feel they are contributing to your family. Teach tasks to tweens that will help them handle life on their own in just a few years.

• Use reminders:  Chore charts that show job assignment and completion dates are helpful. Nonreaders can “read” their chores responsibilities with pictures or photographs. Those charts also reduce having to give reminders.

• Chunk tasks:  Break down each task into smaller more manageable parts until your child knows what to do on her own. Be explicit about what you expect.

STEP 2: Assign the Right Chore for the Right Age

A big secret to ending chore wars is to find the right match for your child. Don’t forget to ask your son or daughter what task they would like to learn how to do to lend a hand. Here are appropriate household chores age by age, but use your instinct. Look around your house…what needs attending to that your kids could do?

Chores for Toddlers: It’s never too early to begin, but let’s be realistic about what this age can do. Do not expect a toddler to do any “chore” on his own and if they do it’s no more than a minute or two. The point at this age is just to model you and pretend to help. And you can gently encourage his helping spirit with your praise… just don’t ever expect them to go solo. This is only for fun and to set the stage. Here’s how:

• Do dress up! Toddlers love to help and learn best by copying and working next to you. So purchase a pint-size broom, rake, or vacuum (that looks like Mommy’s). Your little one can grab his broom and copy you.
• Set out a special box, bin or basket for your toddler to help you put her toys away. She won’t do this alone…and don’t expect her to…but usually loves to help you do the task (for a few seconds anyway). Teddy bear can help as well.

Chores For Preschoolers: The important tip for this age is if you expect this age to do chores first alone, they are likely to give up in frustration. So if you want your preschooler to succeed (or really any age), first show them exactly how to do the task so they succeed. Keep the activity fun and very short. Know that they probably will still need your guidance. This is the age that loves to have “real grown up” items placed in their hands. (Make sure they are safe!) Here are a few appropriate chores:

• Set and clear the table and fold napkins: Be on the lookout for placemats that provide inked-in outlines of a fork, knife, spoon and plate. Some moms make them by drawing utensil outlines using permanent black marking pens on construction paper and then covering them with clear laminating paper.
• Sponge off tables and counters: Hand your kid a damp sponge and a squirt bottle filled with water and let him go to town cleaning away. Beware: Watch out for giving kids cleaning solutions. The AAP issued a warning last month that many kids are ending up in emergency rooms from inhaling or swallowing those cleaning agents. Fill the bottle with water!
• Pick up toys: Provide a box, basket, or bin for your child to put away her toys
• Recycling: She can stack magazines and papers (do specify exactly where you want items placed) and empty small wastebaskets.
• Gardening: Fill a water can and designate certain plants that should be watered.

Chores for School-Age Kids: School-age kids are ready to help out in the household as well as some simple yard work. Go through each new chore step by step with your child so that she clearly knows how to do it. Then observe her doing it at least once to make sure she can handle it. Gradually increase your expectations based on success. For instance, if you ask your child to set the table, start with requiring only a placemat and napkin. Next add the knife, fork and spoon. Then add the glasses. Be sure any dishes are plastic. Remember, this is the age in which homework starts to mount. Keep that in mind by requiring only a shorter task during schooldays and a slightly longer task on the weekends.

• Routine household chores: Set and clear table, put dishes in dishwasher, put clean ones away, vacuum, dust, sweep.
• Laundry: Gradually increase the repertoire until your child can do the majority alone. Start with giving each child a hamper to place dirty laundry. Next, bring the hamper to the laundry room. Then sort the whites and colors. Then start the washing machine, etc.
• Meals: Make their lunch and be responsible for cooking one simple part of evening meal which does not have to involve a stove. It could be spooning the ice cream into plastic dishes or tossing the salad.
• Pet care: Feeding, taking the dog on a walk, brushing, bathing, cleaning out cage or just petting and playing with the animal. (Don’t let a younger child be responsible for an animal–for the animal’s sake! But do find ways to involve your child in the pet’s care if that pet “belongs” to your child).
• Gardening: Simple weeding in one area, watering plants, raking leaves, mowing the lawn, sweeping the patio.
• Personal bedrooms: They should slowly become their soul responsibility including dusting, making the bed and changing sheets. The easiest way to have kids make their own bed is just buy a big comfortable to pull up.

Chores for Preteens and Teens: In a few short years this same kid is probably will be living on her own. So think of assigning chores to help prepare your son or daughter for independent living. Ask her what tasks she needs to learn before she goes off to live in that dorm or apartment. In addition to the previous tasks, here are items to consider:

• Cooking: Learning a few basic cooking recipes to cook alone
• Laundry: Completely doing their own laundry
• Bathroom: Cleaning their shower, toilet, tub (My kids’ roommates have thanked me)
• Car care: When she gets that license make her responsible for maintaining car appearance washing exterior, cleaning windows, filling it with gas, even taking in for service. Make sure your show your daughter how to change a tire and check the oil gauge..for a just in case moments!

STEP 3: Don’t Forget to Acknowledge Success

• Watch your tone:  A survey found that one-quarter of all responding parents admitted that they constantly nagged their kids about cleaning their room. Stop nagging!
• Attach consequences for incompletes:    Set suitable repercussions for uncompleted tasks such as: If she doesn’t put his dirty clothes in the hamper, she foregoes clean clothes and wait until the next wash cycle. Never pay kids for work that isn’t completed. Or if he doesn’t rake the leaves, have someone else do the task, but your kid pays for it with his allowance.
• Acknowledge efforts:  Don’t forget to praise your kids for jobs that are done well and on time.

It’s never too early for your child to help out with the household chores. (Okay, do wait until your child is at least out of diapers!)  But the fact is the sooner you begin assigning chores, the easier it is be to nurture your child’s responsibility muscle. Just do remember to choose tasks that match your child’s abilities, show your child exactly what you expect, and finally stand back. And one more thing: “Never do any task for your child that she can do alone.”