From our guest contributor, Barbara Gruener

Can this be right? Simply acknowledging the good? Like counting our blessings?

Not sure exactly where to start this reflection, let’s look at the wisdom of German writer Johann von Goethe, a man whose work I’ve come to greatly admire.

From our guest contributor, Michael Josephson.

R – E – S – P – E – C – T.  Aretha Franklin reminded us how it’s spelled, but a lot of us need coaching on how to show it. In both personal and political relationships the failure to treat each other with respect is generating incivility, contempt and violence.

There’s an important distinction between respecting a person in the sense that we admire and hold that person in especially high esteem and treating others with respect. While respecting others is desirable, respectfulness is morally mandatory. Thus, people of character treat everyone with respect, even those who are not personally respectworthy.

The way we behave toward others is an expression of our values and character. Thus, we should treat others with respect, not because they have a right, but because we have a moral duty to do unto others the way we want them to do unto us. Again, it’s not because they deserve it, but because doing less would diminish our own character.

That’s the message in an old story about a politician who found himself being drawn into mudslinging and name-calling. Once he realized he was lowering himself to his opponent’s level, he stopped and said, “Sir, I will treat you as a gentleman, not because you are one, but because I am one.”

It can take a lot of self-control to be respectful to people who are nasty, dishonorable, or disrespectful to us. Still, our inner sense of integrity should help us resist temptations to “fight fire with fire.” As Lily Tomlin said, “The problem with the rat race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

Learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor Michele Borba

The often overlooked and critical holiday skill for kids — gratitude and appreciation even when you’re disappointed with what you’ve received.  If you haven’t checked that calendar, here’s a word to the wise: in the next few days your child is going to be receiving a gift from someone. My question: Have you taught your child the skill of appreciation?

Here’s another way of putting it: “How well do your kids handle disappointment when that gift they are anticipating from Grandma, Uncle Fred or Sister Sue doesn’t meet their hopeful expectations?” (Translation: the greatly-anticipated DVD player from Grandma turns out to be a pink cashmere sweater. How does your child respond to your mother or worse yet,  to your mother-in-law?)

Appreciation is a skill that can be taught. The art of tact, gratitude and gracefulness are learned, and there still is time to teach those glorious skills of how to appear appreciative before the relatives arrive with gifts for your kiddos.

3 Simple Ways to Teach Kids Appreciation

1. Rehearse Appreciation

Teach your child how to accept gifts graciously by rehearing polite comebacks prior to the event.

A few gracious responses might be: “Thank you for this.” “I really appreciate it” or “Thanks. That was nice of you.” Sometimes “Thank you so much!” might be best.

Make sure to act out the appreciation role yourself. “Sometimes I don’t get what I hope for, but I try to make the person who gave me the gift happy.”

Younger kids can practice saying responses with their teddy bears or dolls. But remember: repeated practice is critical to succeed in mastering this skill. So please don’t wait until the night before to start those rehearsals and think your kid is going to be able to pull off appearing gracious under fire.

2. Help Your Child Imagine the Recipient’s Feelings

Set up a few pretend sequences and then role play with your child. For instance: “Suppose Aunt Helen is here right now. She spent a lot of time shopping for your gift because she loves you and hopes you’re happy when you open it. Pretend she’s watching you open that package. What can you say and do to let her know you appreciate her effort?

3. Stress and Expect Appreciation

Emphasize to your child that he doesn’t have to like a gift, but he mustshow his appreciation for the thought that went behind the giver’s effort. That point will take a lot of little chats and not one long marathon lecture. So start the little appreciation reminders now. 

Also, be sure you’re putting more emphasize on “giving” and not “getting” over the holidays. If your child is expected to “give” presents to others and spends his hard-earned pennies to purchase that gift, believe me he’ll understand the concept of “appreciation” a lot quicker.

Keep in mind, the price of the present is irrelevant: homemade gifts are glorious! The key is allowing kids to experience the joy of giving to others including wrapping the gift, taking time to think what to give, and shopping or making that item. Hands-on giving is always the best way to help a child understand how it feels to be the recipient of appreciation or disappointment.

Learn more about character education.