From our guest contributor, Michael Josephson.

There are all kinds of love. The passionate romantic love immortalized and often fantasized by poets and novelists; Platonic love among friends, the love of humanity preached bymissionaries and ministers, the love of country, and even the love of our work. I’ve been fortunate to have experienced all of these forms but none has impressed me more than the deep, enduring and totally unselfish love I feel for my children. That’s why I “love” this parable.

A 6-year-old girl I’ll call Sarah knocked over a display case that contained a much-cherished vase once owned by her great-grandmother. Her mom loved that vase and frequently referred to it as the family treasure. The vase hit the floor with a loud crash and shattered into pieces. Sarah, shocked and frightened at what she’d done, screamed and began sobbing.

Her mom came running into the room fearing the worst. Seeing the shattered vase, her heart sank. Then she saw Sarah sitting on the floor wailing. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry, Mommy. I broke the family treasure!”

Seeing despair on her daughter’s face, the mother’s heart plunged further.

Faced with two powerful and conflicting instincts – one toward anger and blame, the other toward compassion and forgiveness, she sat next to Sarah, pulled her on her lap, and kissed her tears. “Sweetheart, when I ran in here, I was terrified that something bad had happened to our family’s most precious treasure. But thank God, you’re okay. Sarah, you are the family treasure.”

Sarah’s mom turned what could have been a painful incident and a lifelong source of guilt into an enduring source of affirmation and worthiness.

I wonder if I would have had the presence of mind to realize in the instant after an upsetting event that I could choose my reaction and that my choice would have a permanent impact on someone I love.

The reaction of Sarah’s mom was nothing short of heroic and stands as a reminder that, even in the face of powerful emotions, we do have choices – and they really matter.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*This is my variation of a parable told by Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben, which in turn was derived from a true incident from one of his congregants.

Learn more about character education.

Kyle was 16 years old and had a bad temper.  One day his dad gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into their fence.

The first day Kyle hammered 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks Kyle learned to control his anger. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive nails into the fence.  Kyle hammered fewer and fewer nails into the fence each day.

Finally, the day came when Kyle didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his dad about it and his dad suggested that Kyle now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

Several weeks later, Kyle was finally able to tell his dad that all the nails were gone.  His dad smiled and led him to the fence. He said, “I’m very proud that you’ve learned to control your temper.  Now,  look at the holes the nails made in the fence.  It will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.”

“It’s easier to leave angry words unspoken than to mend a heart those words have broken.”
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From our guest contributor, Dr. Tom Lickona.

Good communication doesn’t happen automatically. We often need to do something deliberate to bring about a meaningful exchange of thoughts and experiences.

Here’s ten ways to start a conversation with your child:

1. How was today on a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 is terrible and 10 is terrific)? What made it that way?

2. What was the high point (low point) of your day?

3. What is the good news and the bad news about today?

4. What’s something you were thinking about today?

5. What happened today that you didn’t expect?

6. Tell me about something good that happened since the last time we talked.

7. What’s something you’ve done recently that you’re proud of?

8. What’s on your mind these days?

9. What is something you are looking forward to?

10. Back-and-forth questions (take turns asking questions).

Raising a civilized child takes 20 years of constant teaching and another 10 of review.  —Judith Martin (Miss Manners)

Learn more about character education.