Parenting advice to help our children’s develop “stick-to-itness” and a strong work ethic – from our contributor, Dr. Michele Borba.

Many historians feel that one of Winston Churchill’s greatest speeches was given at a graduation ceremony at Oxford University.

Churchill had worked on the speech for hours trying to figure out the key message he wanted to convey to the graduates. When the moment finally came, Churchill stood up to the cheering crowd, and in a strong, clear voice shouted just three words, “Never give up!” He paused a few seconds and shouted the words again, “Never give up!” He then reached for his hat and slowly walked off the podium, satisfied that he had told the graduates the message they needed to succeed.

We need to make sure we pass on Churchill’s message to our own children. Only when children realize that success comes from hard work and diligence will they be the best they can be.

The following techniques are designed to boost children’s work ethic and help your them understand how critical perseverance is to achieving success.

1. Define “perseverance.”
Take time to explain that perseverance means “not giving up” or “hanging in there until you complete the task you started.” When your child sticks to a task, point it out: “There’s perseverance for you. You hung in there with your work even though it was hard.”

2. Teach “don’t give up” words
Help your child tune in to the language of persevering individuals so that he can learn to use the terms in his own life. Ask, “What are the kinds of things you hear people who ‘don’t give up’ say?” Write a list of phrases, such as “I can do it!” “I’ll try again.” “Don’t give up!” “I won’t quit.” “Hang in there. Don’t stop!” “It’s usually harder at the beginning.” “Almost! Try again.” “You’ll get it. Keep at it!” “The more you practice, the easier it will be.” “Keep it up–don’t stop!” “The harder you try, the more successful you’ll be” and hang up the poster; encourage everyone to say at least one phrase a day. The more you repeat those phrases the more likely your child will be to adopt them for his self-talk.

3. Model effort and a strong work ethic
Take a pledge, especially this month, to show your child how you don’t give up on a task even when things get difficult. Before starting a new task, make sure your child overhears you say: “I’m going to persevere until I am successful” Modeling the trait is always the number one teaching method.

4. Start a family, “Never give up!” motto
Begin using the family motto, “Don’t quit until you succeed.” A father once told me that conveying this life message to his children was so important that they spent an afternoon together brainstorming family anthems about perseverance such as “Try, try, and try again and then you will win,” “In this family, we finish what we start,” and “Quitters never win.” They wrote the on index cards, and his kids taped them on their bedroom walls. Develop your own family anthem as a reminder that your family code of behavior is to never give up.

5. Acknowledge effort
Carol Dweck’s research from Columbia University finds that the kind of words we say can stretch or snap our children’s perseverance. The key is to emphasize your child’s effort and work and not the end product (like their grade, score or their abilities). Praise when your child earns the recognition but focus on their effort when he or she experiences success.

Instead of: “What was your grade?” Say: “You’re working so hard!”

Instead of: “You’re so smart!” Say: You’re improving because you’re putting in so much effort.”

Instead of: “How many goals did you get?” Say: “Keep at it! All that practice, is going to pay off!”

6. Instill a “Growth Mindset”
Research shows that kids who persist and excel recognize that success comes from hard work and practice, not luck or money or genetics. In fact, if kids believe that performance is due to effort, they will be less likely to give up and will work harder when the going gets tough. A crucial parenting secret to give our kids an edge on success is to stretch their growth mindset. Here are three ways:

~ Use real examples — folks such as Jerry Rice, Pele, Vanessa and Serena Williams, Michael Jordan — who reached the top because of hours and hours of practice. Identify your child’s passion – music, sports, art, writing, or whatever-and then use an example of your child’s hero who emulates a growth mindset.

~ Teach your kid the 10,000-Hour Rule: “Did you know that studies found that the best artists, musicians, swimmers and skaters practiced at least 10,000 hours, or ten years, to reach their success? Success is all a matter of how hard you work.”

~ Stress practice:: “It will get easier…you just have to stick to it!”

7. Create a “Stick to It” award
Ask your child to help you find a stick at least the length of a ruler to acknowledge stick-to-itness. A family in Seattle uses an old broomstick; another mother said her family uses a yardstick. Print “Stick to It Award” across the stick or dowel with a black marking pen. Now tell everyone to be on alert for family embers showing special persistence for the next month. Each night have a family gathering to announce the names of family members who didn’t give up, and print their initials on the stick with a marking pen. Make sure to tell the recipients exactly what they did to deserve the award. Make it a contest to see how long it takes to fill the stick with family embers’ initials. Children love to count how often their initials appear on the stick!

Learn more about character education.

A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you.” The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued, “I am going to give each one of you a seed today – one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering and fertilizing the soil. He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year went by and the CEO asked the young executives to bring their plants to work for inspection.

When Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot, she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room.

When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful – in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He asked Jim to come to the front of the room. Jim was terrified.  He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!”

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed. Jim told him the story.  The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, “Behold your next Chief Executive Officer — Jim!”

Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed. “How could he be the new CEO?” the others said.

Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.

“All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!”

• If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
• If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
• If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
• If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
• If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
• If you plant hard work, you will reap success
• If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

Learn more about character education.

From our guest contributor, Michele Borba.

“I know my teacher gave me a present, but she’s getting paid for being nice.”

“Why should I write Grandma a thank you note?  I told her ‘thanks’ already.”

“But it takes too much time! Can’t I just text a thank you?”

If those comments sound familiar, know you’re not alone. While kids love receiving those gifts, writing those thank yous is plain drudgery to most. But writing thank-you cards is a habit we should encourage in our  children for a few important reasons. Here are just four values of having kids take time to write those notes.

Don’t Forget Your Example!

Kids learn gratitude by seeing others display appreciation in everyday, unplanned moments. So make sure your child is watching you write those thank you notes! And while you’re at it, ask yourself how often your kids see you convey your appreciation with hugs, words or small notes to others? How often do you tell your kids how much you appreciate them? Tune up your attitude of gratitude so that your kids are more likely to copy your example.

Most parents agree it’s a lot easier to have all those family members sit down and write their notes together. Just do consider the child’s age and ability to your expectations. While one kid can write all his notes in one sitting, other children may need to extend the task to one or two cards a day. Manner experts even provide guidelines for those cards.  School-age kids should use this rule of writing thank you notes from the Etiquette and Leadership Institute in Athens, Georgia:

The total number of sentences in a thank-you note should be half the child’s age. So a ten-year-old should be expected to write a minimum of five complete sentences. A young child can dictate his comments and only needs to sign his name.

One way to instill your expectations is to reinforce one simple family rule: “You must write the thank you note first, and then you may use the gift.” From experience I can say this one really speeds up the process!

Dr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

Check out: micheleborba.com or follow her on Twitter @micheleborba.

Learn more about character education.