The speculation has begun on whether political rhetoric played a part in the shooting of Representative Gabrielle Giffords and nineteen others on January 8.

Since the question has been raised,  this tragic event provides us with another reason to think about the power of our words.   Without pointing blame on one political party, candidate, or news organization, we can all reflect upon a few questions.

• How do we handle those who disagree with us?
  It is wonderful to be passionate about a cause.  Where we go wrong is when our passion blinds us into believing that our cause is the only one that is worth fighting for.   Remember, you can treat other people with respect without having to respect their opinions.  Check out one of blog posts from last year on disagreeing peacefully.
  

• Do we contribute to inflammatory rhetoric by passing it along?
  Maybe you’ve heard the joke – “If it is on the internet, then it must be true”.    In other words, don’t believe everything you read (or hear).  Media has always allowed us to be a participant in the news by our ability to spread it along.   Before we pass along any information, take a moment to consider the source, do a little research, and make sure it is worthy of your endorsement.

• Can we all get better at speaking with compassion and thoughtfulness?
  Of course we can all do more to be kind, compassionate, and promote civil discussion.   In his book, Choosing Civility,  Dr. PM Forni writes, “Speaking with consideration and kindness is at the heart of civil behavior.  To speak kindly you need to be aware constantly that you are speaking to living, breathing, vulnerable human beings.  Don’t discount the power of your words.”   Always consider how quickly your words can tear another down.  Dr. Forni continues, “Resist the temptation to think of [those we disagree with] as faceless, nameless agents of the ‘wrong side’.”

As the new week begins, lets start it by remembering the power of our voice.

Our deepest sympathies to the victims and the families of the January 8 shooting in Tucson.

Shirley Poertner, president of Poertner Consulting Group, gives us her thoughts on how the Six Pillars of Character can help you communicate.

Character Counts In Iowa is certainly an awesome force for good within our schools, businesses and communities within the state. That’s why I’m delighted as President of Poertner Consulting Group to partner with the Character Counts team to build on the solid foundation they have laid around the state in their many endeavors.

As the VitalSmarts Associate in Iowa, my team and I bring to Iowa’s organizations the skills outlined in the NY Times bestselling book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. Our training teaches individuals how to achieve spirited dialogue at all levels in an organization, surfacing the best ideas, making high-quality decisions, and then acting on those decisions with unity and commitment. Our workshops introduce a skill-set that builds alignment, agreement, and relationships — within teams, companies, and families. The principles and skills of Crucial Conversations® synch with the Six Pillars of CHARACTER COUNTS!

The Six Pillars provide the bedrock for becoming a dialogue master, especially the Pillars of Respect and Caring.

We know that people will not feel safe sharing their perspectives and disclosing their concerns during a tough conversation unless there’s a foundation of trust. What builds that layer of trust? It’s knowing that the others in the conversation care about what I care about, and they care about me as a fellow human being. In Crucial Conversations®, we call that having Mutual Purpose. When that “mutuality of soul” is in place, the skillful and authentic communicator can talk about almost anything with almost anyone. Candidly and respectfully. Results are achieved and relationships are strengthened.

Equally as vital to resolving tough issues is the principal of Mutual Respect in Crucial Conversations® (…i.e., the Pillar of Respect in CHARACTER COUNTS!) When there’s mutual respect, individuals see and respect the humanity in others, treating each other  with dignity in spite of differences of opinion. Real listening happens. People are sincerely curious about others’ viewpoints and are patient in hearing them out.

Character Counts In Iowa is busy infusing six ethical values within the culture of our schools, businesses and communities. The citizens of Iowa are making more ethical decisions as a result. Poertner Consulting Group is busy bringing tools for talking about tough issues to our for-profit and non-profit organizations. The workforce in Iowa is achieving better results and enhancing working relationships as a result.

Sounds like a partnership for driving positive change, huh? Iowa wins!

We’re fortunate to count many school educators and administrators as friends.  In fact, you’ll be seeing many of them participate in our guest blogs.  Here’s a contribution from Brad Buck, Associate Superintendent for School Improvement at Waukee Community Schools.

Recently there was an article in the local newspaper about the “grinding” that is occurring at high school dances around the Des Moines metro area.  There was information presented about the reactions of parents, students and administrators to the type of dancing that is underway.  They also talked about the manner in which it is being handled from handbook implementation, to turning on the lights, to seeking student input about how to improve the behavior, to other solutions.

The article highlighted that students are always going to push the envelope on what is acceptable and that push back has occurred as long has there have been schools.  That is likely true, but what has also not changed is that there are standards for decent behavior and all of us – parents, religious leaders, school personnel, community leaders, students, etc – have a role in transmitting those behaviors within a generation and from one generation in our society to the next.  The article reinforced for me the importance of teaching character whenever we can and embracing the ideals of respect and responsibility, among others, espoused in the Six Pillars of CHARACTER COUNTS.

Another important concept that emerged for me from the article is that we need to involve all of the associated parties to be part of the problem-solving regarding a solution.  What better way to clarify the real issues associated with this type of dancing than by clearly defining the offensive behavior and seeking a solution for the issues?  In most cases, being forced to define the behavior and the underlying issues associated with the behavior can be a learning point for those who are defining the behavior as well as all who are involved in seeking a solution.

My favorite sentence in the article was from a student and it is how I will close: “It comes back to character,” [the student] said. “The person you are when nobody is watching is who you really are.”